Subject: Crowmeowme MSTing #2 From: "Christopher R. Willard" Two Power Rangers Stories MSTed by Rowark (Season 8 Theme) (Door Sequence) (Bridge: Satellite of Love) (Mike and the Bots are playing with Playmates Star Trek Figures, mainly Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, and Voyager. They have set up playsets and vehicles, and are using some Classic Trek monsters and other non- regular characters.) MIKE: (as Picard) Captain's Log, stardate 9021.0. We are currently docked at Deep Space Nine, investigating a series of bizarre appearances occurring on the station. SERVO: (as Data) Captain, if I am not mistaken, the creature carrying Major Kira is called a Mugatu, while the creature chasing Lt Commander Dax is... CROW: (as Worf) Is about to meet his creator. (CROW makes various Klingon noises) MIKE: Hi, today, we're hypothesizing on what the crews of the Enterprise- D/E, Deep Space Nine, and Voyager would do if confronted with creatures who attacked the original Enterprise. GYPSY: (as Dax) My hero. MIKE: (holding a Trelayne figure) Ha, silly Mortals. SERVO: (Holding a Judge Q figure) Watch this, Trelayne, you amateur. (SERVO has MIKE put all Classic Trek Aliens into the Transporter playset. MIKE works the controls and makes the disappear.) SERVO: You see, Q is supreme. CROW: (Holding a painted Chekov figure) You are all under arrest in the name of the Psi-Corps. MIKE: Wrong Show. SERVO: (holding a Tuvok) Now, Lucas, I'll show you how I hacked into the World Bank and crashed the economy of Russia. (Commercial Sign light flashes) MIKE: No, that's from a bad SeaQuest episode. (To Cambot) We'll be right back. (MST3K Logo) (Block of commercials for Extra Sensory Summer, then five different psychic hotline ads) (Bridge) SERVO: (holding Troi and Dax) He's mine, no Mine. CROW: (Holding K'eylahr(sp)) Actually he's mine. MIKE: Crow, she's been dead since season 4. (Pearl's light flashes) MIKE: Forget about it, the Gamesters of Triskelion are calling. (Pearl's Ship) PEARL: Having trouble with that mixed up Star Trek continuity, boys? (SOL) MIKE: No, but hey, it could be worse. SERVO: Yeah, we could be playing with X-Men figures, now there's continuity problems for you. (Pearl's ship) PEARL: Well, I'm giving you a double dose of mixed up continuity. Tell them, Bobo. BOBO: Yes, Lawgiver. Well, gentlemen, in my research I discovered that the Lawgiver's deceased son occasionally gave you a movie with a short film in front of it. That is the same principle used for today's experiment. Observer? OBSERVER: Yes, we have taken two stories by Power Rangers Fanfic writer Turbo Ranger Prime... (SOL) ALL: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! (Pearl's ship) OBSERVER: ... and put them together into one large mega-dose, guaranteed to test your resolve. (SOL) SERVO: Remember the last story we had from this guy? CROW: Yeah, all those Kat the Hooker/Bob the Drunk jokes. (MOVIE SIGN) ALL: Oh no, we've got fanfic sign!! (Door Sequence) (Mike and Bots enter theater) >Power Rangers(featuring the Crowmeowme Bros) SERVO:Crowmeowme Bros Bulk and Skull Circus of the Losers. >in CROW:A shallow grave on a deserted island. >The New Arrival MIKE:Starring Charlie Sheen > >Disclaimer: All Characters with the exception of the ALL:Us! > Crowmeowme males >are SERVO:Stuck on a bad TV Show. CROW:On Fox. MIKE:No need to take it that far, we don't want to insult Rupert Murdoch. >property of Saban. The Crowmeowme males are CROW:Victims of Chernobyl > my exclusive creations. >This SERVO:(as James Earl Jones)Is CNN >work may not CROW: (as Yoda) This, work may not. If that is case, to store, return it, a full refund you will receive. > be posted elsewhere in this or an altered from without my >knowledge. > > It was late on the afternoon of June 14, 1997 MIKE: (as Jack Webb) The weather was cool for this time of year in Los Angeles. I work here. I carry a badge. > at the Crowmeowme >estate SERVO: Stately Wayne Manor. >in Angel Grove. Brian, Kimberly, and little Willy were CROW: Sponging off of Bob and Kat. > visiting for >the month, since tomorrow was MIKE: (as Scarlet O'Hara) Another day. > Bob and Kat's first anniversary, while Brian >and Kim's CROW: Divorce proceedings were continuing. > third was coming up on Wednesday. Besides, Brian was taking his MIKE: Annual trip to Las Vegas, where he would bet all his money on 00 >family and any former teammates who were SERVO: Suckers for anything they didn't have to pay for. > in town to the movies three times >over the next three or four weeks. The rather large group included CROW: The entire cast of Cats, Phantom, and Evita combined. > all members >of the Crowmeowme family, plus Tanya, Tommy, ALL: (singing) Tommy can you hear me? > Adam, Justin, Rocky, SERVO: Yo, Adrian! > and >Jason, had seen "The Lost World" the day after MIKE: Russia dropped the bomb. > Brian, Kim and Willy arrived. >This Saturday, Brian would take the same group to see "Batman and >Robin." CROW:They must be the only ones who saw it. >At this moment, however, that assembled group was in the manor's MIKE: Kitchen, playing a life-size game of Clue. > tv room >watching a replay of SERVO: The Tyson-Holyfield ear biting incident. > the MTV movie awards. Alicia Silverstone had just CROW: Wondered why she actually signed to do Batman and Robin? MIKE: (falsetto) Batgirl? As if! > presented >the best comedic performance award to CROW: The writer of this story. > Jim Carrey. All assembled loved Jim >Carrey, especially MIKE: Young Justin, who desperately wanted to learn to talk with his backside. > Brian and Bob. When Jim Carrey kissed Alicia >Silverstone, hyper-intelligent Willy commented, SERVO: If I'm so hyper-intelligent, why am I watching MTV? > "Whoa, The Riddler's kissing >Batgirl." Willy was the most CROW:Idiotic of all assembled, more so than Justin, MIKE: And that's saying something. > eager to see "Batman and Robin" as he was SERVO: A major fan of Uma Thurman. He'd seen The Truth About Cats and Dogs ten times. > just >three months old when "Batman Forever" was released. The assembled >throng roared with laughter at CROW:Themselves for being Power Rangers. > Mr. Carrey's MIKE: Performance in Liar,Liar. SERVO: Sure as hell wasn't his performance in The Cable Guy. > acceptance speech when SERVO:Rocky slugged Justin in order to be a Power Ranger once again. > Kat's water >broke. MIKE: Somebody get a mop. > > Kat had been SERVO:Flat on her back with Bob in another part of the mansion, doing what couples married about a year do. > due two days earlier, but CROW: Justin shot the Stork with a slingshot. > nothing happened. And now, >it was time. MIKE: Morphin Time? CROW: Howdy Doody Time? SERVO: No, it's Vader time. > Simon, SERVO: Oh, I love playing that game. MIKE: (as Simon from Saturday Night Live) Would you like to see my drawings? CROW: (also as Simon) Are you looking at my bum? Bum looker. > the butler, brought in a large blanket which was >spread on the floor. SERVO: Just like Bob did to Kat nine months before. > As was the tradition of their race, Bob would >deliver his child himself, with Kim MIKE: Telling Kat just how painful this would be. > assisting as a mid-wife. Brian >retrieved a ceremonial knife, which CROW: Would be used to sacrifice Justin to the Great God Saban. > the brothers' brought with them >from MIKE: Ponderosa Steak House >their homeworld. This knife would be used to SERVO: Circumcise Justin. MIKE: Ouch. > cut the umbilical cord. >Soon, Kat was fully CROW: Inebriated, to numb herself during the painful process. > dilated and Bob told her to MIKE: Get ready to work on another one as soon as this bun's out of the oven. > push. Soon the first ALL: (singing) Day of Christmas my true love gave to me, a baby whose father wasn't me. >bit >of head emerged, slowly, with each push, more of the CROW: Male Rangers tried to get a look at Kat's privates. MIKE: Do you remember the last time we read this guy's work and you made jokes like that? > head was SERVO: Severed from the body. >revealed. >By the time Tom Cruise won the MIKE: Rosie O'Donnell Man of the Year Award for the tenth straight year. > Best Male performance award, Bob was >holding his SERVO: Pistol to his head. > newborn son in his arms. Bob went to a nearby humidor and >handed a CROW:Piranha to Justin > Cohiba Churchill to his brother. Only the MIKE: Most expensive cancer causing agents would do. > best to celebrate >the ALL: (singing)End of the world as we know it. >birth of his son. He did CROW: (as Tweety) He did taw a puddy tat. > not hand any to the other males present >because SERVO: They aren't worth thirty bucks a stogie. >he did not wish to have MIKE: Justin anywhere near Kat, since puberty had just hit. > them smoke, possibly damaging their human >lungs. > > A surprise soon arrived at the mansion door. SERVO: Door-to-door militia, bombing every mansion they can find. > Kat's parents had >flown in from Australia, ALL: And boy, are their arms tired. > taking time out of MIKE: Time out called with... (Servo looks at a percentage counter that appears on the screen. It says 20%) SERVO: Way too much left in the game. > caring for Aunt Bess to celebrate >their daughter's first CROW: Orgammmm. (Mike holds Crow's beak shut) MIKE: That's two, mister. > wedding anniversary and the birth of SERVO: A Nation, directed by D.W. Griffith. > their >first >grandchild. Kat's mother held her CROW: Daughter by the ear, dragging her all the way to the Outback. > darling grandson in her arms, and >remembered the day Kat SERVO: Fell off the top of the Sydney Opera House and broke the Great Barrier Reef. > was born. The hard part for Bob and Kat was yet >to >come, MIKE: Finding one room out of nearly one-hundred to make into a nursery. > choosing a name. > > While sleeping that night, Bob had a dream. SERVO: Oh, so he's Martin Luther Crowmeowme, Jr now? > He dreamed about the >episode of "The Dick van Dyke Show" where CROW: Laura got her big toe stuck in the bath tub faucet. MIKE: Oh yeah, I love that one. > Rob and Laura told Richie >about his middle name, Rosebud, and how SERVO: He was named after Orson Welles' sled. > it was an anagram. Then the >vision CROW and SERVO: Yeah, go Vision. MIKE: What are you two talking about? SERVO: The Vision is a member of the Marvel Comics super team The Avengers. CROW: Yeah, and for a time he was married to the Scarlet Witch. SERVO: Every robot dreams of being married to a human babe like that. MIKE: Oh, that Vision. >changed to MIKE: A boring, off-white android who isn't married to the Scarlet Witch. SERVO: There you go, Mike. > Zordon and Alpha 5. In the morning, Bob realized SERVO: That when he cut the umbillical cord, he slipped and cut something else off, thus his son is now his daughter. > what this >meant. CROW: Eat more walnuts. MIKE: Wrong episode, Crow. >After exchanging anniversary presents, Bob told Kat about SERVO: How before a trip to Sweden, he was Roberta. > his dream. >They >decided on the first name Alfred, CROW: Since they needed a new butler, one who could keep secrets. > as it was the closest name to Alpha >they >could get without SERVO: Actually calling him Alpha. > arousing suspicion. As for little Alfred's middle CROW: Finger, which he waved at Justin only moments after birth. MIKE: We'll call that two and a half, Crow. >name, >unofficially it would be Zordon, which would only be used in SERVO: Secret communications with the Guild. > the >company of MIKE: Strangers. >Rangers, past or present. On his birth certificate, it would say SERVO: This kid was born named after a robot and a guy stuck in a tube. >Alfred >Zachary Oliver Reginald Daniel Oswald Nigel Crowmeowme. ALL: (singing) His name is my name too. > Though Bob >didn't SERVO: Use protection nine months ago, he wore some for the rest of time. >know MIKE: (singing) How to handle a woman, mark me well, said the wise old man. > Zack that well, and Kat never CROW: Let it slip that Oliver is extremely appropriate since Tommy is Alfred's real father. > met him, it was one of the few Z >names CROW: Since they didn't want to use Zeppo, after Bob's favorite Marx brother. >they could come up with. Bob and Kat later discussed the MIKE: Fact that nobody uses names like Oswald and Nigel anymore. > matter of >guardians, should any SERVO: One find any use for this story, please tell us. > major catastrophe kill both of them. They >decided that CROW: They should cause a major catastrophe and destroy Angel Grove themselves. > Brian and Kim should be Alfred's guardians, should the >unthinkable happen. > > Within a few weeks of giving birth, Kat was performing CROW: At Fallen Angels, the local strip club. > in the >Angel Grove Ballet's performance of The Nutcracker. MIKE: Which Bob thought would be rather painful for himself. > Bob thought this >appropriate, as he had CROW: Just used a nutcracker to make a pecan pie. > been a patron of Tchaikovsky. Soon. the Royal Academy SERVO: A division of Starfleet Academy. > held >auditions in Angel Grove, where Kat won CROW: In the spokesmodel competition. > an invitation to attend the >Royal Academy. Bob then put a plan into action, a plan which would MIKE: Lead Luke Skywalker on the path that would help him fulfill his destiny. > provide >them with more than adequate SERVO: Toilet paper, should they wind up in Russia. > living space should Kat accept the >invitation. Several decades ago, Bob had MIKE: An affair with Queen Elizabeth, which was kept quiet in exchange for ownership of Buckingham Palace. > purchased a castle in SERVO: Case of dragon attack or peasant uprising. > the >English countryside, located MIKE: In an area where it never rains until after sundown, the moon is out by 9 pm, and the winter ends on March 2. > about thirty kilometers outside of >London. Bob maintained a CROW: Steady relationship with Princess Di. > staff there, headed by the majordomo, >Neville. Bob wired Neville SERVO: Sounds painful. > and had him put the castle on MIKE: The auction block, since Kat only won by having Bob bribe the judges. > standby, and >to prepare CROW: Ship for ludicrous speed. > a nursery room for little Alfred. > (Servo moves towards Mike) (Mike and Bots exit theater) (Door Sequence) (Bridge) (Mike and Bots are watching a TV. It sounds like they are watching Power Rangers) SERVO: Look at Kat move. MIKE: Yeah. CROW: I can't believe you two, could you have forgotten Kimberly so fast? MIKE & SERVO: Who? CROW: (annoyed) You remember, the gymnast. Wore pink. Appeared in a movie with Shelly Long and the second Jimmy Olsen from Lois and Clark. (Crow pulls a long length of computer paper in front of the screen, apparently with pictures of Kimberly) MIKE & SERVO: Oh, her. SERVO: She is so last season. Kat's the new babe in town. MIKE: Yeah, when did what's her name there wear shorts that tight? (Crow looks at screen) CROW: You know, you guys have a point. (Crow throws computer paper into conveniently placed trash can as Commercial Sign light flashes) MIKE: (distracted) We'll be right back. (MST3K Logo) (One long block of psychic hotline commercials) (Mike and Bots re-enter theater) >The Last, Best Hope MIKE: That sounds familiar >A Power Rangers/Babylon 5 Crossover SERVO: Well, we've got the Good and the Bad. >featuring >The Crowmeowme Family CROW: And here's the Ugly. > >Disclaimer >All Power Rangers MIKE: Can't act their way out of a paper bag. > Characters are property of Saban Entertainment. All >Babylon 5 characters are SERVO: Stuck in a five-year story arc from which they cannot escape. > property of JMS and PTEN. Daffy Duck is >Property of Warner Brothers, Scrooge McDuck MIKE: Isn't, so get over it. > of Disney. All Crowmeowme >males and Kimberly Katherine Crowmeowme are CROW: Oh, a new character, and it's female. MIKE: I might be interested in her, if she wasn't a Crowmeowme. SERVO: Even if Kim is her mother? MIKE: That's not the part that worries me, her father would be an alien. CROW: Unless Kim had an affair with Tommy, and she's the result. MIKE: If that's the case, then, maybe. > my exclusive creations and >cannot be used without my expressed written consent. I must be >informed when this story is MiSTed SERVO: Mike, this guy is scaring me again. > or posted on any web page. Any >critiques, comments, or nitpicks will be accepted and reviewed. CROW: What about letter bombs? > >Chapter 1 MIKE: This could be trouble, guys. > > It was March 1, 2261, MIKE: (as Jack Webb) I had done one Dragnet joke, and was compelled to do another. I work here. I carry Tom Servo. My partners are Servo and Crow T Robot. My name's Nelson. > and a new ambassador arrived at Babylon 5.His name >was CROW: Jose Jiminez. > Morphos Multus and he was a clone. ALL: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! > He was accompanied by MIKE: A bad Spider-Man storyline. > his aide, a >two CROW: Day old piece of bread. >hundred and sixty-six year old man SERVO: Oh, that's my favorite Mel Brooks routine. > named William Crowmeowme. The two of >them >were met by CROW: An angry mob carrying torches, bags of feathers, and barrels of tar. > Commander Susan Ivanova upon arrival. Ambassador Multus had >never seen MIKE: Halls as clean as those on Babylon 5. > such beauty as Commander Ivanova's. After helping the ambassador >and his aide settle into their quarters, Morphos asked Ivanova if she SERVO: Really is leaving the show just because they wouldn't let her take a few episodes off to make a movie. >would >care to join him for a drink on the Zocalo. "I'd love to, MIKE: (as Ivanova) But I find you more repulsive than Londo, thus I would rather date him. > Mr Ambassador," >said Ivanova. "Excellent," he replied, CROW: Are we sure his aide's name isn't Smithers. > "but please, call me ALL: Ishmael. > Morphy." The >two of them made their way to MIKE: San Jose. > a drinking establishment. After ordering, >Ivanova asked, "So, Morphy, where do you come from?" The ambassador SERVO: Told Ivanova all about the birds and the bees. >replied, "The planet Zordonus, which is in a solar system just outside of >Earth's." >Ivanova said,"I'm not that familiar with CROW: (as Ivanova) Earth, hee,hee. Is that near Russia. > Zordonus, tell me a little about >it?" "With pleasure, my dear commander," said the ambassador. > > Morphos began, "Zordonus was founded MIKE: Let me guess, um, by Zordon. > in 2003. That was the year >that CROW: I made a fortune selling coffee futures, but then Columbia sank into the ocean after a major, and extremely rare, earthquake. > an alliance of evil SERVO: Wasn't that a group formed by Apocalypse in early issues of X- Factor? > forced a group of super heroes, known as the >Power Rangers, to ALL: (singing) sir, with love. > leave Earth. This was the only way MIKE: To keep the ratings up. > to defeat this >unholy alliance. However, not only were the at-that-time current Power >Rangers forced to leave Earth, but all CROW: Persons named Nelson, to prevent them from marrying monkeys. (Mike slugs Crow in the beak) CROW: (ala Marcia Brady) Oh my beak. > former Power Rangers as well. >My aide is the son of MIKE: His father and his mother, duh. > two former Power Rangers, while I was SERVO: Born in the wagon of a traveling show. My momma used to dance for the money they'd throw. Poppa used to do whatever he could, preach a little Gospel or sell a couple bottles of Dr Good. MIKE & CROW: (singing) Gypsies, tramps, and thieves... SERVO: Me and my not-so-big mouth. > cloned >from SERVO: Peter Parker, that's why I'm so dumb. > two of the most powerful Rangers, the Crowmeowme Brothers. I was >named after both of them. Neither Crowmeowme was CROW: Smarter than a bag of hammers. > native to Earth, so I >was given MIKE: First prize for the Ugly Man contest at Paris' annual Feast of Fools. > their original names,Morphos and Multus. CROW: Those certainly are original names. > Earth was not the only >world targeted by SERVO: Galactus, devourer of worlds. > this alliance. They also targeted the planets MIKE: Mars through Pluto. > Aquitar >and Triforia, which also had their CROW: Own breathable atmosphere. > own Rangers. The three groups met SERVO: Untimely demises when they landed on an airless planetoid. > on a >planet in the Alpha Centauri System. CROW: Is that the Alpha Five Centauri System. MIKE: If it's Centauri, watch out for Londo. > This world was named Zordonus, after SERVO: Boxing promoter Don King. >Zordon of Eltar, the CROW: King of Soft Serve Ice Cream > founder of the Power Rangers." MIKE: Did they build a statue of him? > "Please CROW: (as Ivanova) Kill me. > continue,"said Ivanova. Morphos continued, "The Aquitians >brought with them SERVO: The secret of making delicious fajitas. > a vast supply of pure water, including the water MIKE: Of Life, the bile of baby sandworms, which no man, save one, can drink. > from >their version of the Fountain of Youth. CROW: First dicovered by Juan Ponce De Leon. > They shared this water with MIKE: No one, unless they got enough money to share. > their >fellow Rangers and thus, all the founders of Zordonus are SERVO: Really bad actors. > still alive. >William's father, Brian, alias CROW: One-Eyed Jack, alias Snake Oil Smith. > Morphos, was selected to SERVO: Be a sacrifice to the monster that lived at the center of Zordonus. > rule Zordonus, MIKE: Why him and not, oh, say, Jason or Tommy? >while William's uncle Bob, alias CROW: Buffalo Bob, alias Bob's Your Uncle. > Multus, became planetary treasurer. SERVO: Despite the fact that he failed simple arithmetic seventeen times. >Zordonus is made up of MIKE: Delicious Chocolate Cake with a rich, creamy filling. > a selection of city-states, each one named for >an Earth-born founder. The city state are Kimberly Crossing, Jasonia, >Zackland, Billysburg, Trinitown, ALL: (singing) Wont you take me to Trinitown. > Tommy Acres, MIKE: (singing) Tommy Acres is the place to be, Ranger living is the life for me. > Rockyville, CROW: (as Stallone)Yo, Paulie! > Adam Park, Aisha >Province, Kosta del Katherine, Cape Tonya, SERVO: Starring Robert Mitchum and Gregory Peck. CROW: No, the remake with Robert DeNiro and Nick Nolte. > and Justin Junction. ALL: (singing) Come ride the little train that is rolling down the tracks to the junction. MIKE: With Kimmy Jo, Trini Jo, and Katty Jo. > Each of >these city states has it's own SERVO: Militia for ongoing periods of civil war. > specialty, which no other city state has. >For example, Kosta del Katherine is the center of CROW: The Adult Entertainment Industry. (Mike slaps Crow) > the cloning industry, >which produced me, while robotics are SERVO: What made my friend Crow and I the lovable quipsters we are today. > done in Billysburg. > > Before the ambassador can continue, Vir Cotto MIKE: Also known as Fan Boy. SERVO: Right guy, wrong show. > arrives and hands a >note to Ambassador Multus. CROW: Londo wants him to have two of his three wives. > "Tell Ambassador Mollari that I SERVO: Don't know anything about weapons supplied to the Narn. > shall be >prompt," Morphos tells Vir. Ivanova asked, "What ALL: (singing) Goes up, must come down. > was that about?" Morphos >replies, "Ambassador Mollari has invited me to MIKE: Help brush his hair fan. > play him at a game of >Centauri chess. Zordonus has had SERVO: The greatest chess players in the galaxy, with the exception of Deep Blue. > relations with Centauri Prime for nearly >two centuries, as both CROW: Friends and lovers. > ally and supplier. We condemned their aggressions >against the Narn, however, but still remained allies. Now, Zordonus is a >newly joined member CROW & SERVO: (as Beavis and Butthead) Huh,huh,huh,huh,huh,he said member.Yeah,yeah, a newly joined one. Must be John Wayne Bobbit. Huh,huh,huh,huh. > into the MIKE: Black Hole. SERVO: In, through and beyond. > League of Non-Aligned Worlds, though we need >no help defending ourselves. We are defended by a CROW: Bunch of bad actors with Japanese stock footage. > vast fleet of robot drone >fighters. These fighters use a Je.E.V.S. SERVO: A bunch of chauffeurs? > series systembot and fighters made >of MIKE: Sponge cake. > a Triforian alloy. Now if you'll excuse me, ALL: (singing) While I kiss the sky. > Susan. but I am ALL: (singing) The very model of a modern major general. > expected at >Ambassador Mollari's quarters MIKE: Or maybe his dimes. > in fifteen minutes. Perhaps I will see you CROW: In a black teddy. >later." "Count on it," replied Ivanova. MIKE: Yeah! > > While Ambassador Multus engaged in a SERVO: Twenty Man, Over the Top Rope Battle Royale. >heated chess match against CROW: IBM super-computer Deep Blue 2261 >Londo Mollari, on Zordonus, a heated debate MIKE: On the use of air conditioners. > raged in the chambers of >the ruling council, the Order of Meledon. "The Voice of the Resistance >said that the forces SERVO: (as Darth Vader) Strong with this one. > of Babylon 5 will be attacking Earth,"said Aquitian >counclior Delphine, "I say we CROW: Go swimming and forget about it. > send them one thousand fighters to help >their assault." "Earth has SERVO: Completely ignored us, why should we bother them. > done nothing to earn our aggression," stated >Triforian councilor Trey, "we would be MIKE: The intergalactic Axis powers. > going against the very principles >the Power Rangers were CROW: Disciplined by. > formed from, there is no battle, for us, and thus, >there is no need to SERVO: Panic, that giant asteroid is still millions of miles away. > escalate it." Human councilor Adam Park intervenes, >"That is not true. MIKE: Are you calling me a liar? Cause if you are, I'll break your face. > The first generation of Power Ranger offspring were >mostly SERVO: Inbred buffoons. > mutants. The U.S. government wanted all mutants placed in camps >because of the actions of a few lone outlaw mutants against one United >States Presidential candidate. CROW: Ross Perot. > They would have separated newborn children >from their parents." > > "Do not let your MIKE: Overconfidence be your weakness, look what happened to the Emperor. > personal feelings rule in this body," said councilor >Trey, "just because some giant robots almost CROW: Figured out they were the real stars of the show. > kidnapped your two-month old >son centuries ago. You and your wife MIKE: (As Jon Lovitz) Morgan Fairchild, yeah, that's the ticket. > Tanya hid the child in the Power >Chamber until the exodus. SERVO: Led by Moses. > I, Trey of Wisdom, CROW: As opposed to Trey of Stupidity. > feel there is no need to help >attack a world that has not attacked us." MIKE: With the exception of Za'Ha'Dum. > "Enough!" SERVO: What Eight is, Alex? > The stentorian tones of >council leader Brian Crowmeowme CROW: So he's President and Council Leader. > silenced the room. "It would appear that >the majority of the council agrees that MIKE: This beer tastes great, while the minority believes it's less filling. > we should send an assault fleet," >stated the former CROW: Uncle Ben's rice distributor. > Silver Ranger and long-time ruler of Zordonus. He turned >to his long-time friend and sometime SERVO: Lover (Crow snickers) > advisor, "Billy, do we have two >thousand drone fighters to give them?" "At last count," said the only >being >present who MIKE: Speaks his own language, which few people understand. > spoke for both Earth and Aquitar, "we have a surplus of eleven >thousand fully sentient, multi-functional, Jet Engineered Vehicular >Systembot pilots and a surplus of ten thousand fighter craft." SERVO: But we're low on fuel. >"Excellent," >said Brian, "contact our Ambassador on Babylon 5 at once." > > The next morning, on Babylon 5, Captain Sheriden SERVO: Woke up with a gash in his front from where D'Elenn turned over and her bone cut his chest. > met the new >ambassador CROW: With PPGs at the ready. >for the first time. "Captain," MIKE: (as Scotty) I'm givin' her all I can Captain. She canna hold anymore. > stated the clone, "I was authorized SERVO: To deliver this check from Publisher's Clearinghouse. > by my >government to offer you two thousand CROW: Marbles. > of our top of the line robot drone >fighters for your assault on Earth. The Order of Meledon has observed the >Voice of the Resistance broadcasts and, MIKE: We think they would be more interesting if Ivanova would do them wearing swimwear. > by an overwhelming majority, >authorized the donation of the fighters for your planned assault." >"A very generous offer," said Sheriden, "inform your superiors that their >gift shall prove quite helpful and will save ALL: (Singing) Your soul. > at least two thousand lives." > > Later, while strolling along the Zocalo, Ambassador Multus was >stopped by MIKE: An octagonal red sign that said STOP. > Psi-Cop Al Bester. "So you're from Zordonus. I hear that >several of your citizens possess SERVO: (as Chekov) Nuclear wessels. > telepathic abilities," said Bester. >"Yes, myself included," relied Multus, "but you MIKE: Look like you need something put in your ear. > wouldn't be able to >gauge us on the Psi-Corp scale." "We'll see about that," quipped Bester >and produced a SERVO: Ceti Eel from Star Trek II, causing Bester to flee in terror. > Psi-Corp evaluation unit. He activated the unit and was >surprised by the read-out. MIKE: The weak point is a small thermal exhaust port just below the main port? > "You, you don't even register on the scale. The >Psi-Corps scale goes to a P-20, but, you go beyond that. My superiors >will want to hear about this." {I DON'T THINK SO.} ALL: Huh? > The Ambassador's >mental voice filled Bester's mind. CROW: Cool, a mental voice. > {ZORDONUS IS OUT OF YOUR JURISDICTION. >IF POST EVEN ONE PSI-COP THERE, EVERY TELEPATH ON ZORDONUS WILL JOIN >TOGETHER AND BRING THE PSI-CORPS TO IT'S KNEES.} Bester was white as SERVO: Snow, and everywhere the Psi-Corps went, Bester was sure to go. > a >sheet as he nodded in compliance. Never before had he felt MIKE: Like crying as he had after watching Terms of Endearment. > such a psi >presence. > > A week later, an urgent message arrives at SERVO: Stately Wayne Manor. > the Presidential Manor >on Zordonus. "Yes, Mr Ambassador." answers President MIKE: Hillary Rodham Clinton. > Brian Crowmeowme, >upon learning the message comes from Ambassador CROW: Kosh, thus no one can understand it. > Morphos Multus on Babylon >5. "It's William, sir. Your son is MIKE: In prison, charged with inciting a riot at a Rebo and Zooty performance. > gravely ill, possibly dying," Multus >says solemnly. "How?" asks the shocked President. Multus responds, "It >seems CROW: He did some bad acid in the 2160s. > Master Vile still rules galaxy M-51. An ambassador, stationed here >from one of the worlds there, sent me a MIKE: Set of Ginsu Knives. > 'gift', a plant CROW: Called Audrey II. > that Master Vile >thought would kill me. William got to the plant first, he's MIKE: (as Bones) Dead, Jim. > in the med-lab. >Dr Franklin says his condition is SERVO: The least of your worries, since your wife is cheating on you with Justin. JUSTIN, of all Rangers. > stable, but still critical." Brian tells >his clone, "I have CROW: To kill The Queen of England. > some important business here, but I'll send MIKE: Some flowers for his funeral. > Kim and >Brian >junior to Babylon 5 a.s.a.p. BJ SERVO: Played by Mike Farrell > knows more about the physiology of himself, >his siblings, and his cousins than anyone else on Zordonus." Shortly >after the communication ends, Kimberly Hart-Crowmeowme, still SERVO: Thinking about Justin. > as young and >beautiful as the day she received her Power Coin rushes into her husband's >office. "Something's happened to Willy, hasn't it?" she asks?. > (Mike and Bots exit theater) (MST3K logo) (Multiple commercials alternating Mission Genesis and Weekends of Wonder) (Bridge) SERVO: You know, Mike, that mental voice seems pretty neat. MIKE: You think so? CROW: Yeah, try this on for size, MIKE: No, that's a translation. SERVO: How about this, [Hey Nelson] MIKE: No, that's more a thought to one's self. CROW: How about (this)? MIKE: That's an aside, or a description. CROW: Then what IS a mental voice? (MOVIE SIGN) MIKE: (rushed) {THIS IS!} BOTS: {OH YEAH} (Door Sequence) (Mike and Bots re-enter theater) >Chapter 2 MIKE: A play by Neil Simon. > > Within 24 hours of ALL: Daytona. > Ambassador Multus' transmission to President >Brian Crowmeowme, an oddly shaped diplomatic vessel MIKE: A consular ship on a diplomatic mission to Alderran. > arrived at >Babylon 5. It resembled CROW: A wedge of cheese, and had lots of guys in white armor on board, > the old Crane NinjaZord, and with good >reason. This was the SERVO: Old Crane NinjaZord. > personal vessel of the First Lady MIKE: Barbara Bush? > of Zordonus, >Kimberly Hart Crowmeowme. Travelling with her was her SERVO: Lover, young Justin, the former Blue Turbo Ranger. > fifth-born >child and third son, Brian Junior, or B.J. B.J. was CROW: One of the doctors stationed to the 4077 MASH unit. > the most >prominent physician on Zordonus, and specialized in MIKE: Dentistry. > the physiology of >half-breeds, like himself, or in this emergency, his eldest brother, >William. Ambassador Multus met the two of them and CROW: Began whispering sweet nothings in Kim's ear. > escorted them to >the MedLab, where B.J. began to discuss MIKE: Over-the-road trucking and chimpanzees. > his brother's condition with >Dr. Stephen Franklin. While B.J. began to hypothesize on CROW: Why did JMS create a five year plan for this show, while Saban had no plans whatsoever for Power Rangers > possible >treatments, Morphos escorted Kim to the quarters he had prepared for >her and, eventually, for Brian, once he arrived. Due to lack of >space, they were given the quarters formerly MIKE: Known as Prince. > occupied by Michael >Garibaldi. > > Meanwhile, back on Zordonus, the Inner Council of the Order of >Meledon meets to discuss SERVO: DC vs Marvel, who would win? CROW: Image. > the threat of Master Vile. Brian Crowmeowme >realized that MIKE: His wife is cheating on him. > if one of Vile's agents would make such a strike CROW: Strike One! > on a >neutral site such as Babylon 5, SERVO: Created by J Michael Strazynski. > Zordonus itself might be his next >target. MIKE: Or his next K-Mart. > Aside from Brian, the inner council consists of CROW: The biggest losers in the universe. > Jason Lee >Scott, Tommy Oliver, Billy Cranston, Delphine of Aquitar, and Trey of >Triforia. The Inner Council only meets in SERVO: Months ending in ber. > times of possible >emergency, and can only MIKE: Declare war with support of the President. > be convened by President Crowmeowme. "I >believe ALL: (singing) I can fly. I believe I can touch the sky. > that in order to combat Master Vile, we must call forth the >Power once more. We must select a group of MIKE: (as Zordon) Teenagers with attitudes. > the finest former Rangers >and give them the most powerful CROW: Man in the Universe, He-Man. > Zords ever designed." "Yes," said >Trey, "the safety of Zordonus is always the first duty SERVO: Oh, I loved that episode of The Next Generation, with Ray Walston as Boothby the gardener. > of our >citizens." "Let us have the ALPHA 5000 ALL: Oy,yoy,yoy. > computer determine who will be >the Ultimate Power Rangers," recommended Delphine. "I call for a >vote," said Brian, "all in favor of using ALPHA 5000, say Zordon, all >opposed, say Dimitria." MIKE: Who? SERVO: Zordon's replacement and Divatox's twin sister. > "ZORDON," the five members cried out in >unison. > > The ALPHA 5000 was the central computer of Zordonus. CROW: Sort of like Gypsy is the central computer of the S.O.L. > All tasks >that could not be SERVO: Bothered with with by inferior humans. CROW: Right on, brother robot. > properly handled by organics were done by ALPHA >5000. It controlled the drone fighters which MIKE: Constantly attacked Tommy's residence. > patrolled around >Zordonus, and ran the SERVO: Off Track Betting parlor. > weather control system that kept nature from >being too powerful. CROW: It's not nice to fool with mother nature. > The most peculiar MIKE: We'll have to judge this for ourselves. > thing about the ALPHA 5000 was >the sound it made CROW: It's hard drives spinning could be heard all around Zordonus. > when doing calculations or advanced computations. >After Brian input the needs and MIKE: Desires of all single men on Zordonus, a list matching them up with the single women of Zordonus would be out in 2 and 2. CROW: Thank you, Chuck Woolery. > qualifications for Ultimate Rangers, >ALPHA went to work, "Ay,Yi,Yi,Yi,Yi," SERVO: Yep, that's pretty peculiar. > it repeated until it had >produced the list CROW: Of the ten most wanted criminals on Zordonus, Tommy and his family. > of those who would be the Ultimate Power Rangers. >When ALPHA 5000 was built, all agreed that it should SERVO: Be locked in a space dumpster, like Rita's. > sound as much >like the lovable Alpha 5 as possible, hence it's "Ay,Yi,Yi,Yi,Yi." CROW: Ay,yi,yi feel sick. > > ALPHA had produced a list of nine Rangers, the best of MIKE: Carson. > those who >ever morphed. The list read like so; Green Ranger-Adam Park, White Ranger- >Tommy Oliver, Black Ranger-Evan Park(son of Adam and Tanya), Pink >Ranger-Kimberly Katherine Crowmeowme(Brian and Kim's eldest daughter), >Silver Ranger-Alfred SERVO: Butler at Stately Wayne Manor. > ZORDON Crowmeowme, Blue Ranger-Justin Stewart, >Yellow Ranger-Trini Quan, Red Ranger-Rocky CROW: (as Stallone)Yo, Mick. > DeSantos, Gold Ranger-Trey >of Triforia. Suggested back-up:Auric the Conqueror and Blue Senturion. >Evan, Kimberly Katherine(or KimmyKat), ALL: KimmyKat? > and Alfred had been MIKE: Trusted confidants of Bruce Wayne and his various sidekicks. > among the >first generation of Power Rangers to defend Zordonus in 2015, when >the SERVO: Old generation of Power Rangers filed for Medicare. > Millennium Message nearly came true for a second time. These nine >Rangers would be given Zords more powerful than MIKE: A locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. > any previous Zord, >these would truly be Ultimate Zords, and were based on the most >powerful force in the universe, SERVO: Bad movies. CROW: Then, how powerful are we? > 20th Century Earth Pop Culture. > > Each Ranger would select their own zord from a group of ALL: Teenagers with attitudes. > Pop >Culture items selected by ALPHA 5000. Adam selected the MaskZord, >which could shift into any form Adam could think of, and was most >powerful at night. Tommy selected the HercuZord, MIKE: Who put the glad in gladiator? BOTS: (singing) HercuZord. > strongest Zord of >all. Evan chose the BatZord, CROW: I'm BatZord. > armed with a number of weapons, >including boomerangs, grappling hooks, and a powerful spotlight with >a bat on it. KimmyKat ALL: (singing) KimmyKat, KimmyKat, What are they feeding you? > chose the WonderZord, BOTS: (in unison) WonderZord Powers, Activate. SERVO: Shape of a Giant Three-Toed Sloth. CROW: Form of an Ice Cube. > whose golden cables could >control any machine they connected with, and could become invisible >with but a thought. Alfred chose the RangerZord, MIKE: The Ford RangerZord. > which possessed the >combined abilities of all previous Zords, and a few surprises. SERVO: (as Gomer Pyle) Surprise, surprise, surprise. > Justin >went with the SuperZord, MIKE: Who disguised as ClarkZord... > which could change into energy or produce >various energy beams from it's "eyes". Trini went with the >XenaZord, CROW: Which must have had some big... (Mike glares at Crow) CROW: ...Front mounted storage units. > whose high-pitched sonic battle cry and chakram >launcher made a truly formidable opponent. SERVO: Does it come with a GabrielleZord? MIKE: Worse, a JoxerZord. > Rocky chose the multi- >legged SpiderZord, ALL: (singing) SpiderZord, SpiderZord, does what ever a spider...cord? > which spun webs, climbed walls, and possessed >an extraordinary early warning "sense". Trey stuck with ALL: (singing) Band-Aid brand, cause Band-Aid's stuck on Trey. > Pyramidas, >saying it represented the King Tut MIKE: Born in Arizona? SERVO: Moved to Babylonia? CROW: Got a condo made of stone-a? > craze of the 1970's. > > With that settled, Brian prepared his SERVO: Resignation speech. > personal vessel, the Silver >Eagle, for the journey to CROW: The center of the earth. MIKE: (as Mole People scientist) Down, down, down. > Babylon 5, unaware that SERVO: His absence would lead to civil war. > the activities on >Zordonus were being monitored by Master Vile. "So, they prepare new >zords to fight me," Vile thought to himself, "luckily I have access >to the CROW: Zord Prefix Codes, just like in Star Trek II. > technology of my old allies, The Shadows. MIKE: The Shadows know. > When they left this >universe, all that was theirs became mine, including that lovely >plant we sent to Babylon 5. Let's just see how well those putrid >Rangers do against an enemy SERVO: Who isn't an enemy. > they can't see. A fleet of Shadow Ships >should allow my forces to MIKE: Surround them, penetrate them, bind their galaxy together. > land on Zordonus, then strike CROW: Strike Two! > before those >UltimateZords are ready. Ha,ha,ha,ha,ha.!" > > What Master Vile didn't know was that SERVO: The warranty just expired. > Shadow technology is highly >vulnerable to telepathy. All the half-breeds of Zordonus, offspring >fathered by either Brian or Bob, are all CROW: In-bred hoosiers. > at least P25 on the Psi-Corp >scale. That much psi-power coming from one planet would MIKE: Tell them of an invasion decades before it happened. > disable >Shadow vessels before they could even enter orbit. > > Back on Babylon 5, Ambassador Multus has a date with SERVO: Destiny. > Commander >Ivanova. Since he arrived at B5, the two of them have been CROW: Repelled like a couple of magnets. > seeing >each other more and more. They are currently sitting at the table that >was once Mr. Garibaldi's "office", dining on MIKE: Mr Garibaldi's corpse. > flarn and spoo, with >Russian Vodka to drink. Ivanova loved SERVO: Getting drunk then streaking through the station. > getting back to her Russian >roots with an occasional shot of Vodka, and Morphos entertained her >with tales CROW: (as Crypt Keeper) From the crypt, ahahahahahahahaha! > of Russian Cossacks that Morphos and Multus encountered >during their travels of centuries ago. Soon, the two of them made >their way to MIKE: San Jose. > his quarters in the Green Section. Thanks to Zordonian >technology, it was quite lavish, and filled with SERVO: Marshmallow fluff. > items which would be >considered valuable, such as CROW: Beanie Babies and Tickle-Me Elmos. > 20th century comic books, video tapes, >and an old Edison moving picture camera and projector. The two of >them kissed passionately, them Morphos put one of the tapes into an >old VHS Player, MIKE: But the tape was a Beta. > which still worked. Soon the two of them were >watching "Ace Ventura,Pet Detective" SERVO: Both of them drooling at Courtney Cox and Sean Young. CROW: Huh? MIKE: Remeber, Ivanova thought she loved Talia. CROW: Oh. > and eventually left the main >chamber for the bedroom. ALL: Yeah, woohoo, get it on. > > Elsewhere on the station, Kim Crowmeowme was SERVO: Dreaming about Justin, the man she truly loves. > unpacking when she >found a set of data crystals which Garibaldi had left behind when he >left the station. CROW: Oh, twenty-third century porn. > Looking at them, she saw that they were old Daffy >Duck cartoons. She always loved Daffy, though SERVO: She would rather make love to Porky Pig. > Brian preferred Scrooge >McDuck. She put one of the crystals in the video unit and was MIKE: Shocked when it wasn't Daffy Duck, but PLUCKY Duck. > pleased >to find her favorite, Robin Hood Daffy. Eventually, she CROW: Blew her brains out with a PPG after watching Duck Dodgers in the Twenty-Fourth and a Half Century. > fell asleep >while watching Daffy's first appearance, Porky's Duck Hunt. > > That night, Kim dreamt about the past. She was MIKE: Stripping for Tommy in his bedroom. > back in 1880s >Angel Grove, where she called herself SERVO: Cathouse Kimmy. > Calamity Kim. In her dream, she >never CROW: Killed The White Stranger while making love to him. > made it back to the 20th Century. Thus, she struck up a >relationship with MIKE: One-Eyed Bulk, after a lot of whiskey. > Bolt Schwinchester, as Brian called himself back >then. She saw CROW: A jealous Doc Skullovich plan her abduction. > their modest wedding by a justice of the peace, and >Bolt building a SERVO: time machine from a locomotive. > modest cabin for their home. Then, she saw herself >getting older, and older, until she was in her sixties. MIKE: She was a few decades early for Medicare, however. > Then, Master >Vile offered to restore her youth, for CROW: One million pounds of horse manure. > a price. She woke herself up, >checked the chrono, and went back to sleep. > > Kim was awaken by B.J. SERVO: She left the TV on, and MASH had just started. > at 0645 hours. "Come on, Mom," CROW: You promised to take me to the zoo today. > said B.J., >"Dad's Silver MIKE: Bullet straight to your heart is due soon. > Eagle will be arriving shortly, and there's a big >reception for him at the docking bay." B.J. leaves his mother to >change clothes, she puts on a SERVO: See-through teddy. > dress Brian bought for her on their >fiftieth anniversary. B.J. escorts her to the docking bay where MIKE: She was promptly "spaced" by Ivanova. > a >proper Presidential reception has been assembled. At the airlock >entrance is a CROW: Well trained sniper. > security detail headed by Security Chief Zack Allen, >then station telepath Lyta Alexander, Captain John J. Sheriden, >Commander Susan Ivanova, and Ambassador Morphos Multus, who SERVO: Just got lucky with Ivanova. > moves down >the red carpet when the airlock opens. The other side of the red >carpet starts with Ambassadors Delenn, Londo Mollari, and G'Kar, then >their aides. Kim SERVO: Wished Justin was there with her. > and B.J. are led to the airlock door, where they >will be the first to greet Brian. Then, at the end of the carpet, >Marcus Cole and a contingent of Rangers extend their pikes to MIKE: Bar Brian from the station. >raise them in salute. > > Soon, the airlock opens. First through the airlock is Brian's >personal guards, the Morphons. SERVO: Who is this guy, Mu'Adib? CROW: We have worm sign, Usil. > The Morphons are all clones of Brian, >each wearing a different shade of silver. MIKE: As opposed to a Whiter Shade of Pale. > Next comes Billy Cranston, >Brian's most trusted advisor. SERVO: And occasional lover. (CROW snickers) (MIKE slaps SERVO, then backhands CROW) > Finally, Brian comes through, as B.J. >activates a CROW: Self destruct device for Zordonus. > music player that plays the Zordonus planetary anthem, >"Go Go Power Rangers," ALL: Why? > which Brian composed centuries ago for a >television show he produced. ALL: Oh. > After formal ceremonies welcoming MIKE: Bob Hope XXIV. > the >President, Kim escorts her husband to their quarters, CROW: Then dumps him like a cold fish. > while Billy >sets up a SERVO: Thermo-Nuclear detonator to destroy Babylon 5. > communications unit in his assigned quarters so Brian can >keep informed of events back home. Soon, Brian goes down to CROW: The kingdom of the Mole People. MIKE: (as Scientist) Down, down, down. > MedLab to >check on his "little genius," the name he called SERVO: His privates. MIKE: Servo! > Willy by oh so long >ago. > > Meanwhile, a few lightyears away CROW: From any spaces or hyphens. > from Zordonus, a Shadow cruiser >makes it's way towards the unsuspecting planet. Master Vile sits in >the command center, waiting for the time to strike. CROW: Strike Three! You're out. > Strike, CROW: Strike One! SERVO: Kill the Umpire. MIKE: It was a ball. > and >destroy all life on Zordonus... > (Servo moves towards Mike) (Mike and Bots exit theater) (Door Sequence) (Bridge) CROW: Now that we know what a mental voice is...{TAKE THIS, SERVO} SERVO: {VERY IMPRESSIVE, CROW} MIKE: SERVO: {NOT BAD MIKE}(Stupid human) MIKE: SERVO: {UH, NO.} CROW: {YES HE DID} SERVO: [Crow is a dead bot] {I AM YOUR MASTER, CROW} MIKE: (Commercial sign light flashes) MIKE: (We'll be right back) {CUT IT OUT, BOYS} (Bots freeze at Mikes's metal command) (MST3K Logo) (One long commercial for Mission Genesis, or so it seems) (Mike and Bots re-enter theater) >Chapter 3 > > In the temporary quarters of Brian and Kimberly Crowmeowme CROW: An icy chill was felt as the two of them looked at each other. > on Babylon 5, >an urgent tone awakens the sleeping President of Zordonus form a >meditative sleep. "Yes, what is it?" SERVO: It is a two-letter pronoun, used to describe something that isn't male or female. > Brian asks into his communicator. >It's Brian,Jr,"Father, I think I may have figured out how MIKE: To finally get rid of Tommy, give him an exploding pinball machine. > to cure Willy." >"I'll be right there," says Brian. With Kim shopping on the Zocalo, SERVO: Spending the last of the money that Zordonus had in it's treasury. > he'll >find her on the way to the MedLab. Within ten minutes, SERVO: Zordonus was three hundred billion credits in debt. > the First Couple of >the world inhabited only by MIKE: Non-union actors. > Power Rangers, and their offspring, arrive at >the MedLab, where their first-born child CROW: Was taken by Rumpelstiltskin. > lay at death's door due to the >machinations of Master Vile. B.J. tells them, "Mother,Father, I've been MIKE: A baaaaaaaad boy. > >looking through the files of ALPHA 5000 and I believe Willy's only chance >is to go to Liara and find Lerigot. His magic, which CROW: Earned him millions when he performed under the stage name Roy. > saved Mother from the >evil influence of Maligore SERVO: Which can be cured by Pepto-Bismol. > centuries ago, should be able to eradicate the >foreign substances from Willy's body." Brian Sr immediately dispatches his >Silver Eagle to MIKE: Pick up a couple of kegs for later. > Liara, stopping by Zordonus to pick up Bob and Kat >Crowmeowme, who know the diminutive wizard SERVO: So a Munchkin is the new Wizard of Oz? > quite well. Kimberly thinks back >to the incident B.J. mentioned, and wonders if it may be CROW: Withdrawal from her addiction to Gouda. > connected to her >nightmares of recent days. > > Meanwhile, on Zordonus, the Power Rangers Ultimate continue SERVO: Using Japanese stock footage. > training to >defend Zordonus from MIKE: Roaches. > Master Vile and his Shadow fleet. Under the tutelage >of Jason Lee Scott, the most powerful Rangers ever hone ALL: (singing) Hone on the Range, where the deer and the antelope play. > their skills to >perfection. Then, the MegaZord assembly drills begin. CROW: Those must be big drills if they're used to assemble a Megazord. > The Ultimate MegaZord >is composed of the traditional Black, Pink, Blue, Yellow, and Red >UltimateZords, which combine to form a giant robot MIKE: (as Voltron narrator) Loved by good, feared by evil. > whose appearance evokes >memories of a Japanese SERVO: Monster movie, where Godzilla destroyed the giant robot sent to stop him. > Samurai. The Silver Ultimate Zord morphs into a >robot warrior in the visage of an Original Power Ranger uniform, perhaps >the style Brian wore as CROW: Bolt Schwinchester, the gunsmith/blacksmith. > the first Silver Ranger. The White and Green >UltimateZords combine to form the fearsome TommyZord, ALL: (singing) TommyZord, can you hear me? TommyZord, can you see me. > armed with replicas >of the Dragon Dagger and Saba, These three robot warriors combine with >Pyramidas to form CROW: A mound of useless parts. > the UltraUltimateZord, last line of defense for the >planet Zordonus. Looking at the four robot warriors, Jason thinks to >himself, MIKE: (as Jason) Man, do I say Man a lot, man. > "Man, Zedd, Rita, Mondo, and Divatox would have taken one look at >this team and SERVO: Killed themselves. > left the Solar System for good." > > Within three light years of Zordonus, Master Vile's Skull Ship CROW: As opposed to his Bulk Ship. > leads an >armada of Shadow vessels towards Zordonus, unaware that the psi-presence >on Zordonus will spell certain doom for the Shadow Ships. CROW: (as Psi-Presence) C-e-r-t-a-i-n D-o-o-m, Certain Doom. MIKE: That is correct. > Vile turns to his >second in command, "Rito, get up here." "What's up, SERVO: Doc. > Pop," asks the now >fully camouflaged bag of bones. "I want you to take that Serpenterra you >got from your sister and go to Zordonus with this ultimatum: CROW: Give me all your cheddar or I'll infest you with space mice. > Surrender ALL: Dorothy. > or >Die. Can you remember that?" CROW: (as Rito) Duh, sure. > "Sure pop, just like I remember Sis married >Edd," said Rito. With that, a large glowing 'Z' appears on Rito's helmet. >"I meant Zedd," Rito cries out in agony. The Z is MIKE: The mark of Zorro. > a reminder from Lord Zedd >to his dim-witted brother-in-law. In 2006, Zedd, tired of Rito always >calling him "Edd," used his staff to SERVO: Enhance Rito's memory. > place this painful reminder on Rito's >helmet. From then on, whenever Rito said Edd instead of Zedd, the Z would >glow and Rito would experience CROW: Undreamed-of pleasure. > intense agony. With Rito on his way to >Zordonus, Master Vile left to work on his MIKE: Thousand piece jigsaw puzzle. > special project, a dream >modifier. > > It is 0100 hours at Babylon 5, Brian and Kim are sound asleep, Kim >dreams of Brian's movie, which was released in 1995. CROW: And was pummeled because it didn't have Jim Carrey in it. > Although she didn't >play herself due to being SERVO: A terrible actor, like all Power Rangers. > pregnant with Willy when filming began, she was >on the set every day and was in CROW: The porno version, Mighty Humpin Sexy Rangers. (MIKE closes Crow's beak before he can describe said movie) > the remake Brian made fifty years ago. But >this dream SERVO: Is sponsored by new and improved Ultra Tide, with bleach. > differed from the actual movie. In her dream, Ivan Ooze doesn't >just hold her CROW: Close to him, he ravishes her, like in Mighty Hum... (MIKE closes CROW's beak, again) > NinjaZord in his tractor beam, he pulls her out of the Zord >and dresses her in an outfit similar to SERVO: Rita's, so that she'll impale Brian the first time they embrace. > Dulcea's. Master Vile arrives, with >Kat as his prisoner MIKE: Bad Kitty-Kat. > and takes possession of Kim from Ooze, and from there, >her captivity seems like a favorite movie of Brian's, where a beautiful >Princess is held captive by a giant slug. SERVO: I think I saw that movie. > Yet Kim's dream doesn't have her >strangling Vile with a chain, SERVO: Yeah, definitely the Magic Sword. > instead she sees Zordonus destroyed by Vile's >forces while she and Kat are the only survivors. CROW: Starring Robin Williams. >Master Vile speaks to her, "Soon, my dear. Soon MIKE: You will be in a movie called Killing Mr Griffin. > this dream will become reality." Kim sits up with a > start, awakening Brian. "You OK honey?" asks > Brian. Kim tells the only man she's ever CROW: Thought of killing. > truly loved about her dreams. Brian comforts her, "Don't worry, ALL: (singing) Be Happy. >baby. With ALL: (Singing) Gilligan, the Skipper, too. The Millionaire and his wife. > KimmyKat MIKE: (singing) And the Rest BOTS: (singing) The Professor and Mary Ann > and the other UltimateRangers, Master Vile doesn't >stand a chance of CROW: Scoring with Kim or Kat. > winning. The two of them lay back down, but SERVO: She keeps calling out Justin's name. MIKE: That's enough of that, Tom. CROW: Yeah, if anyone, Justin would be Kat's lover. (CROW snickers) > don't go >right back to sleep. MIKE: Yeah, get it on. Bang the gong. > > By the time Brian and Kim re-awaken in the morning, The Silver Eagle >arrives in orbit of CROW: Mars, looking to retrieve the Pathfinder. > Liara. Bob and Kat teleport down to the surface SERVO: To gather geological samples. > near >the last known coordinates of Lerigot's family. They arrive at a small >dwelling, and knock on the door. The door is opened by MIKE: Alfred the Butler. > Lerigot's wife, >much older than CROW: Dirt. > when they last saw her. Recognizing her old friends, she >invites them in, where a SERVO: Firing squad guns them down. > somber mood hangs over those assembled. Lerigot is >on his deathbed, dying of CROW: Lack of a script. > old age. Bob fears his nephew is doomed. Lerigot, >sensing that they came here, SERVO: Gives them the finger and kicks the bucket. > not knowing her was dying, asks his friends >why they came so far. Bob MIKE: Offers the dying wizard's family a nice funeral plan, at a premium rate. > tells his small, wizened friend, "My nephew is >dying, little friend. It has been determined that you are the CROW: The winner of the Publisher's Clearinghouse give-away. > only person >in the universe who can save him. But, we did not know your time in this >universe was short." MIKE: This sounds familiar, someone goes to a short puppet who speaks broken English for something important, only to find said puppet dying. > Soon, the door opens and someone who looks like >Lerigot did when he was captured by Divatox enters. This is SERVO: Yoda. > Bethel, >Lerigot's child, whom Bob and Kat remember from so long ago. Lerigot >taught Bethel all his mystical secrets, CROW: But not his stage tricks. > insuring that Liara would still have a >mystic. Sensing the situation, Bethel agrees to MIKE: Show them how to saw a woman in half. > go with Bob and Kat, who >promise Bethel they will return here before SERVO: Dinner. > Lerigot leaves this plane of >existence. > > Back on Zordonus, Master Vile's ultimatum is met with a display of >UltimateZords. Rito tries to flee, but the five light year trip MIKE: Cost thirty thousand credits in tolls. > used up >Serpenterra's energy. Rito is taken away to CROW: The Boneyard, hahahahaha. > a specially constructed >correctional facility, while Serpenterra SERVO: Comes to life and destroys Justin Junction, with Justin in it. > is dismantled for spare parts. >Master Vile, observing this action, MIKE: Flees like the coward he is. > speeds up his armada, so that they will >arrive at Zordonus within half an hour. By the time they reach orbit, >however, Master Vile's skull ship is CROW: A fractured skull ship. > the only vessel still moving. The >reports are the same from each Shadow vessel, MIKE: Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead. > The ship looses power as soon >as it gets within one thousand miles of Zordonus. Vile summons his Shadow >advisor, CROW: Lamont Cranston. > "Morden, what's going on?" The being known as Morden, who only a >short time ago was the SERVO: President of the Hair Club for Aliens, and also a client. > Shadow liaison to Centauri Prime, tells Master Vile, >"Shadow technology is vulnerable to MIKE: Bad acting and Japanese stock footage. You never had a chance. > telepathic power. That Psi-Corp >technology I gave you should indicate how much CROW: Of a stud you are. SERVO: (as Master Vile) Cold Fish! Stupid love tester. > psi-power emanates from the >planet. Turning to a separate control panel, Vile is surprised to discover >that the amount of psychic power coming from Zordonus is greater than MIKE: (as General Dodonna from Star Wars) Half the Star Fleet. > the >instruments can measure. With his fleet down to one ship, CROW: He sets the vessel to self destruct, taking Zordonus with it. > Master Vile >retrieves his only son and makes a MIKE: Rude and obscene gesture to the assembled citizens of Zordonus. > hasty retreat, without a single robot >warrior seeing action. > > As Vile flee's the Zordonus solar system, the Silver Eagle SERVO: Breaks down, thus Bob has to get out and push. > returns to >Babylon 5 with Bethel. Given highest priority, Security Chief Zach Allen >personally leads the tiny wizard and his party to CROW: The airlock, to space them himself. > MedLab 1, where Willy's >condition is extremely critical. Bethel asks everyone else to leave while >the healing magic begins. SERVO: Healing Magic: The Gathering. > While waiting, the assembled Crowmeowmes receive >the news that MIKE: Jim Carrey and Lauren Holly's marriage is over, that's how slow the news travels in space. > Master Vile was repelled without a single shot fired, CROW: But several shots of whiskey were downed. > and >that the threat of Serpenterra has been ended forever. Minor cheers ALL: Norm. > fill >the area outside MedLab. Soon, the Zordonian ambassador, Morphos Multus >arrives with his significant other, MIKE: Ambassador Kosh. > Commander Susan Ivanova arrive to await >the results of Bethel's magic. Morphos still blames himself for Willy's >plight, as the plant that caused this condition was meant for him, not >William. Ivanova has been telling him that he SERVO: Is responsible and will be spaced immediately after an autopsy is performed. > shouldn't blame himself, but >station security for not checking that plant for germs that would affect >Morphos and Willy, but no one else on the station. > > Within the hour, Bethel emerges, and allows B.J. and Dr Franklin to re- >enter MedLab. Soon, B.J. emerges and tell all assembled the good news, >"There is no longer any foreign substances in Willy's system, he MIKE: Died just after Bethel started. > should be >fully recovered within a few days. More cheers ALL: Norm. > fill the waiting area, with >Bethel receiving a vast debt MIKE: Oh, I love that game show, with Wink Martindale. > of thanks and gratitude from Brian and Kim. >Soon, the two Crowmeowme Brothers and their spouses head towards the SERVO: Divorce Court. >Silver Eagle with Bethel to head back to Liara before MIKE: His supper gets cold. > it is too late. After the >Silver Eagle departs, Ambassador Multus and Commander Ivanova head back to >his quarters. Since they became lovers a week or so ago, the two of them >have realized that they CROW: Should see other people. > had been alone until they met about a month ago. >True love can SERVO: Be the pits, if it happens too soon. > happen quickly to those who are of the species CROW: That movie gave me the willies. > that the >Crowmeowmes are, and the ambassador decides to take this ALL: (singing) Job and shove it. I aint workin here no more. > relationship to >the >next level. That night, Morphos gets on one knee MIKE: And fires a bazooka point blank at Ivanova. > and says to Ivanova, >"Susan, I know we've only been CROW: Fools, but let's sell Amway. > seeing each other for about a month, but we >both feel this way about each other. Susan Ivanova, will you MIKE: Break my heart. > marry me?" The >beautiful Russian is stunned and doesn't know what to say... > > While a potentially happy event occurs on Babylon 5, a solemn one >happens on Liara. SERVO: Bob finally learns Tommy is Alfred's father, so he kills Kat. > With his family, friends, and the Crowmeowmes assembled >around him, Lerigot passes MIKE: A stone, and fully recovers. > the last of his mystical power to Bethel before >passing on, into the next universe. MIKE: The Princes of the Next Universe. (BOTS scream in terror.) > All assembled shed tears SERVO: Except for Bob, who shed no tears after murdering Kat. > for the gentle >wizard, as his body is taken to the traditional burial site of Liaran >wizards, the Hill of Mystics. CROW: Which is closed due to erosion. > Lerigot's body is laid to rest in MIKE: A shallow grave. > the >traditional Liaran burial ceremony, after which, Bethel becomes master of >the CROW: Universe. SERVO: He-Man? > dwelling. The Crowmeowmes depart Liara to head back to B5. En route, >Brian opens a MIKE: Bottle of Dom. > communication channel to Eltar, which is answered by SERVO: A machine with an annoyingly stupid message. > Zordon. >"It is good to hear from you, Old Friend," says Zordon, upon seeing the >image of the being once known as ALL: (laughing) Bolt Schwinchester. Hahahahaha! > Morphos. Soon, the other members of the >Crowmeowme family greet their former mentor, CROW: The Fresh Maker. > before Brian tells Zordon, and >the just arrived Alpha 5, of SERVO: Kat's murder at Bob's hands. > Lerigot's passing. If robots could cry, Alpha >would look MIKE: A literal rust bucket. > like Niagra Falls, but he only utters a mournful "Ay-yi-yi-yi- >yi" in honor of his friend. Brian and Bob tell Zordon of all that has >transpired since he and Alpha left Earth back in 1997, CROW: And the mess he made by letting Justin be a Ranger, what was he thinking. > then promise to visit Eltar, >with the other Power Rangers whom Zordon knew, very soon. > > When the Silver Eagle returns to Babylon 5, Brian and Kim head straight >for the MIKE: Bar, to get drunk. > MedLab. When they arrive, Willy is SERVO: Buried. > doing much better. B.J. tells >his parents that, "Thanks to Bethel, CROW: I'm now your second oldest son. > Willy is doing better than ever and >will be able to return to MIKE: The Planet of the Apes. > his duties as soon as tomorrow. "No need," >interrupts Ambassador Multus. "I've received word that a new SERVO: Ruling bars clones from being ambassadors, so Zordonus will no longer be represented in the League of Non-Aligned Worlds. > aide is on his >way here so that Willy can recuperate back on Zordonus." "Who are we >sending?" inquires Brian. "Why, Bartholomew Po CROW: He's a Po boy, from a Po family. > Cranston, Billy and Trini's >oldest son, and the most-intelligent non-Crowmeowme MIKE: That wouldn't take to much. > on all of Zordonus. In >fact, he may SERVO: Change his middle name form Po to Rich. > become the new Zordonian ambassador to the League of Non- >Aligned Worlds. I've MIKE: Get a price on my head after insulting Londo. > asked Commander Ivanova to SERVO: Space me. > marry me." Brian, Kim, >Willy, and B.J. offer their CROW: Condolences, when they see Ivanova holding hands with Marcus. > congratulations. "Thank you, my friends," says >Morphos, "and if she accepts, MIKE: She's crazy. > we will be moving off station, either to >Zordonus or to Earth, in which case I would undergo our people's procedure >to SERVO: Give me a brain, just like the Scarecrow. > have my telepathic powers nullified. I will not be a Psi-Corp puppet." CROW: I am not Pinocchio, I am a clone. >After getting approval from Dr Franklin, Willy leaves MedLab for MIKE: Lyta Alexander's quarters, to get lucky. > his >quarters, packing up to return home to Zordonus with his family > > The End? ALL: Finally! (Mike and Bots leave the theater) (Door Sequence) (Bridge) MIKE: Whew, that was a close call. SERVO: You're telling me. CROW: If I never here the name Turbo Ranger Prime again, it will be too soon. GYPSY: Don't worry guys. My records show that as of August 1, 1997. He had only written three stories. MIKE: So what about AFTER August 1, 1997? (Mike & Bots Shudder) (Pearl's ship) PEARL: They shook it off so easily, Brain Guy, Give them a mental shake. OBSERVER: Of course, Pearl. {YOUR MOVIE NEXT TIME WILL BE SOMETHING CALLED WILLOW} (SOL) MIKE: I liked Willow. (Pearl's ship) OBSERVER: {HOW ABOUT THE LAST ACTION HERO?} (SOL) SERVO: Hey, that was better than Batman and Robin. (Pearl's ship) OBSERVER: {THE CABLE GUY} (SOL) CROW: That can't have been worse than The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies. (Pearl's Ship) PEARL: Ugh! (Fade to black) (Closing Credits) STINGER: Soon the two of them were watching "Ace Ventura,Pet Detective" and eventually left the main chamber for the bedroom.