Scene 1: Angel Grove Park
It was a sunny afternoon. The Rangers, having just unmorphed after winning yet another fight with one of Mondo's monsters were walking through the park.
"That fight was awesome!" Rocky shouted as he jumped around karate chopping the air.
He bumped into Kat, who was trying to fix her hair, knocking the comb from her hand. Kat glared at him as she picked up her comb and continued to primp.
"Yeah," sighed Tanya, "but that Dirt Devil monster almost sucked us into oblivion until....."
"Until I blocked it's mouth with Pyramidas!" Jason shouted, pounding on his own muscular chest.
"You mean until I pulled its plug!" Tommy retorted loudly.
Adam leaned over and whispered to Tanya. "Uh oh, here we go again." Then he rolled his eyes at Jason and Tommy. "Oh, yeah, you both are great and powerful. You both saved the day. Thanks guys."
"Yeah," Rocky said, finally having stopped all his karate chopping and jumping around, "let's talk about something else now."
"Like what?" asked Kat, who had finally finished fixing her hair and was beginning to show an interest in the conversation.
"Well, uhhhh," Rocky hesitated staring blankly at Kat, "how about..."
Jason planted himself in front of Tommy. "You KNOW that monster would have sucked the Super Zeo Zords to pieces if I hadn't used Pyramidas to block its mouth."
"Big deal," snorted Tommy, "if I hadn't had the sense to pull its plug, you'd still be stuck to its mouth."
Tanya tried to stand between Jason and Tommy. "Umm, guys? Maybe we should go to the juice bar now?"
"Uh yeah," Adam added, quickly joining his girlfriend. "I'm really thirsty after that big fight, aren't you, Rocky?"
"Not really," Rocky said. Tanya stomped on his foot. "Owww! Umm, I mean yeah, I'm realllllly thirsty."
"Me too, how about you guys?" Kat looked at Jason and Tommy who were now glaring at each other. "Oh great," she sighed.
Jason leaned into Tommy's face. "Well, if I had waited for you to CRAWL over to that plug and pull it out, we would all be ground dust in its bag by now!"
"Waited for me?!" Tommy shoved Jason away. "I had that plug out before you were even THINKING of uselessly smashing poor Pyramidas against that monster's mouth!"
Kat began to jump up and down, waving her arms. "Uh, guys? Remember? The Juice Bar?"
"Uselessy smashing?!" Jason began to shout hysterically. "Are you implying that I would misuse Pyramidas?!"
"If the pyramid fits, wear it!" Tommy leaned against a park bench, smiling at his own joke.
Adam and Tanya began to pull on Jason, while Rocky and Kat began to pull on Tommy. "Come on, you two," Adam gasped as he continued to pull. "Ernie's having another 'guess the mystery drink' contest."
"Yeah," Kat added, "and maybe it won't be as gross as that raw slug drink from his last contest."
"I thought it was pretty good myself. Just needed a touch of strawberry flavoring," said Rocky.
All the Rangers stared at Rocky. "Ewwwww, Rocky!"
Jason shrugged Adam and Tanya off him. They fell backwards landing on each other in the sand box. Tanya smiled. Adam blushed. "Oh, and this coming from mister Tommy 'Zord Zapper' Oliver," Jason taunted Tommy back.
Tommy shrugged Rocky and Kat off him. They fell backwards, landing on each other on the merry-go-round. Rocky grinned. Kat slapped his face. Tommy straightened himself off the bench and scowled at Jason. "Are you blaming ME for all those zords being destroyed?!"
"Yes I am, oh great and powerful leader!" Jason made a mocking bow.
"At least Zordon knew a REAL leader when he saw one and dropped you, you muscleheaded freak!" Tommy growled, smacking Jason on the back in mid bow.
"Ow!" Jason yelped. "That does it, I'm gonna teach you a lesson!"
"No," Tommy said frigidly, "YOU'RE the one who's gonna learn the lesson!"
Rocky stared at them in disbelief, still rubbing his sore cheek. "Uh oh!"
Tommy and Jason took their stances. "IT'S MORPHIN' TIME!!!!"
"Don't!" Tanya tried to stop them. "Zordon won't like......"
They both ignored her and continued.
"ZEO RANGER FIVE...RED!"
"GOLD RANGER POWER!"
As Tommy and Jason simultaneously morphed, the other Rangers dived behind park benches.
"Boy will Zordon be pissed off when he learns about this," mumbled Adam.
Billy and Alpha watched the viewing globe intensely, cheering, booing,
and throwing fake punches in the air.
"Yeah, Tommy!" Alpha began to pound his metallic claw-hand on the console next to him. "Smash him!"
Billy continued to stare at the screen, shoving popcorn in his mouth. "Slam Pyramidas on him, Jason! Show him you mean business!"
At that moment, Zordon appeared. "What are you two doing?" he asked.
Billy quickly turned off the viewing globe. "Doing? Um, nothing, right, Alpha?" He glanced at Alpha.
"Yeah, nothing. Heh-heh," Alpha laughed nervously.
"Well then please turn the viewing globe on, it's time for my favorite soap opera, ' All My Floating Heads'."
Billy thought fast. "Um, Zordon, I have to show you some interstatamitictranscubulatorgyratoring transistors right this minute. Maybe you could record your show just this once?"
Steam began to come out of Zordon's tube. "The hell with that! Sally-head and Sammy-head are supposed to be getting it on today, and I gotta take notes so I'll know how I can do it myself. So turn the damn thing on, NOW!"
"Oh ay yi yi," Alpha whined as he turned the viewing globe back on. It showed Jason and Tommy still fighting each other.
Zordon stared curiously at the screen. "Hey! I didn't hear the alarm go off! Who are they fighting? I don't see any monster."
"Well, ummm....oh ay yi yi," Alpha whined again.
Billy glowered at Alpha. "It's an invisible monster, Zordon."
Zordon sighed in relief. "Well, if that's all, I do know of some magic plants that will make this monster vis....."
"Ha! I'll call the Red Battlezord and SLICE that stupid Pyramidas of yours into shreds!" Tommy screamed loudly enough for them to hear from the viewing screen.
Zordon's face darkened. "Holy *&*#% those idiots are fighting each other!" He glared at Billy. "Why the hell did you lie to me and say it was an invisible monster?"
"Well, ummmm....," Billy hesitated. "Hey, shouldn't we be contacting them so you can order them to stop?"
"Oh, yeah...ok, contact them," Zordon said. "Oh, and stick in a video tape while you're at it. If I miss my soap opera because of this nonsense, heads are gonna roll. Get it? Heads? hahahahaha....." Zordon blinked out laughing hysterically at his own joke, while Billy and Alpha stared at his tube.
"Hey Billy," Alpha whispered as he searched for a blank tape, "Tommy was really pounding Jason. Don't forget the twenty dollars you owe me."
"Yeah, right," Billy hissed back. "Give ME the twenty dollars. Jason was just about to pulverize Tommy."
"Hey!" Zordon reappeared. "Didn't you read the list of Power Chamber rules? Rule 42 is NO GAMBLING! Now contact those egomaniacal jerks, NOW!"
Adam, Tanya, Rocky, and Kat were still hiding behind the park benches,
ducking flying debris from Tommy and Jason's fight, when their communicators
beeped. Uh oh, Adam thought as he pressed the response button. "Yes,
"What the %^$*$ is going on down there?!" Zordon bellowed.
"Zordon!" Kat said in a shocked voice. "Watch your language! This is a kid's show!"
"Oh, uh yeah," Zordon mumbled sheepishly, "I kind of forgot. Sorry. Now please tell me what's going on down there."
"Tommy and Jason are fighting each other to see who's gonna get to "hog" all the credit for destroying that Dirt Devil monster," Rocky replied.
"JASON! TOMMY!" Zordon shouted loud enough for them to hear in their zords. "STOP THAT AT ONCE! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO FIGHT THE MONSTERS, NOT EACH OTHER!"
"Well, HE started it," Jason and Tommy said at the same time.
"NEVER MIND! KNOCK IT OFF, UNMORPH AND TRANSPORT TO THE POWER CHAMBER, NOW!
"Zordon," Tommy started as soon as they had arrived at the
Power Chamber, "I can explain.....Jason was bragging again and....."
"Me bragging?!" Jason retorted. "Look who's talking!"
Zordon mentally shrugged his shoulders. "Whatever. I really don't care. That's not the real reason I called you all here."
"Why did you call us here, Zordon?" asked Tanya.
"Well, a couple of days ago, I was down in my basement tube looking for some marbles Alpha said I had lost." Zordon frowned as Alpha and the Rangers snickered. "Anyway, hidden in a corner, I found a sealed box. So I had Alpha open it up. And there they were, the greatest Zeo crystals of them all!"
"Greater than mine?" Tommy and Jason whined together.
"Yes, greater than yours. Great enough to give to the two who are destined to be the leaders of the Power Rangers. And after considerable thought and a lot of coin flipping, I have finally decided who is worthy enough to lead the Power Rangers."
Zordon looked at Kat. "Now, Kat...."
Kat looked up eagerly. "Yes, Zordon?"
Zordon whined in a falsetto voice. "Help me, Tommy! Help me, Tommy!" Then in his own voice added, "need I say more?"
"So everyone has a bad day once in a while," mumbled Kat.
"Huh," said Tommy. "Since when is everyday 'once in a while'?"
"And Tommy?" Zordon continued.
Tommy crossed his eyes and stuck his tongue out at Jason. "I knew it! It's gonna be me!"
"No it won't!" Zordon retorted. "And that's exactly why I didn't choose you. You're so vain you probably think this song is about....oops, I mean you're so vain you think you should always be the "star" of the team. Get it? Star? Ha! Well, anyway, I'm sick of it! So it's not you!"
Jason crossed his eyes and stuck his tongue back out at Tommy. "Ha! told you so mister 'leader'!"
"And it's not you, Jason."
"But, you just chose me to be the gold ranger," said Jason.
"No, *I* didn't choose you, Tommy did. We were in such a hurry to save the powers that I neglected to ask him who he was getting. If I knew it was going to be you, 'Mr. All-muscles-and-no-brains', I would've had the powers transferred to Alpha there instead."
"You mean I could've been a Ranger?"
"Shut up, you stupid robot," Zordon growled. "I was just making a point." He continued. "And, of course, Tanya can't be a leader."
"Why not?" Tanya glared at Zordon. "Because I'm a woman? If that's your attitude, you male chauvenist....."
"No, no....that's not it at all. I certainly admire you women and the way you're able to fight and defend yourselves." Zordon glared at Kat. "Present company excluded, that is."
"Ok, ok," Kat mumbled. "I got your point. Don't rub it in. Sheesh!"
"Yeah," Zordon continued staring off into space. "I REALLY admire the way you women move when you fight. Especially that Dulcea babe. Whoo boy, the things I could do to her if I had a body......."
"Pig!" Tanya snorted.
"Zordon!" Adam waved a hand in front of Zordon's tube. "Yo, Zordon, you were saying?"
"Oops, sorry." Zordon's face turned red. "Umm, what were we talking about?"
"Tanya!" All the Rangers shouted.
"Oh, yeah. What I was about to say was that all your papers haven't been checked and cleared yet by our computers. What guarantee do I have that you're not a spy working for the Machine Empire?"
"The fact that she's been fighting with us for several months now?" Adam replied.
Zordon ignored him. "Anyway, we must follow all rules and regulations or I'll lose the intergalactic funding I need to keep this place running....and to pay Billy's high fee."
Billy shrugged his shoulders. "Hey, when you're worth it, you're worth it."
"And you know you're not going to be a leader, Billy."
"Yeah, I know," Billy sighed. "Darn negative protons."
"That and the fact that we need someone here to windex my tube, lubricate Alpha's head, untangle all the wires..."
Billy looked at the others. "And you wonder why I charge him so much."
Rocky whispered excitedly to Adam. "We're the only ones left!"
"That may be so," Zordon said. "But that doesn't mean it's either of you."
"Huh?" asked Rocky.
"Let's see, Rocky...so far you've managed to help get your friends turned into pachinko balls..."
"But I was under a spell!" Rocky protested.
"...and let cogs get a hold of a computer disk that let Mondo create a virus that almost crashed the zords..."
"Bbbbut, how was I to know...."
"....and, like the idiot you are, you tried to fight a giant Mondo all by yourself and nearly got Angel Grove destroyed in the process!"
Rocky hung his head. "So I made a little mistake."
"IN OTHER WORDS," Zordon hollered at Rocky, "YOU'RE TOO STUPID TO LEAD! .....oh, and finally, there's you, Adam."
"Ok, get it over with," Adam sighed.
"That's exactly why I can't have you as a leader. You're just too nice and polite, Adam. You're such a wuss that if I put you in charge, you would probably ask for the monster's permission to fight him."
"Oh go %*#@#$&*%#$&*#@# yourself, you freak show reject!" Adam snarled at Zordon.
"Much better!" said Zordon. "Keep practicing."
Scene 5: Still in the Power Chamber "Umm, Zordon?" asked Kat. "Not that it matters, but you just eliminated everyone here."
"Yeah," added Tanya, "who're gonna be the new leaders of the Power Rangers?"
"A couple of our old friends perhaps?" Billy reminisced. "It'd be great to see Trini again."
"Or Aisha," said Rocky.
"Or Zach," said Jason.
"Or Kim." Kat glared at Tommy as he drooled.
"NO! NO! NO!" Zordon shouted. "They're gone for good! Get over them already! Sheesh!"
"Then who did you select?" asked Adam.
"Haruuumph," Zordon cleared his throat. "Alpha, if you please."
Alpha opened the door to the back room of the Power Chamber. At the same time he made a phony trumpeting sound. "Da da da da da da!"
"Behold your new leaders," Zordon boomed in his omnipotent voice. "The Polka-Dot Ranger and the Zigzag Ranger! Come on out boys and meet the other Rangers!"
Two very bizarrely dressed Rangers stepped out from the other room. One was quite obese and had large multicolored polka dots all over his Ranger suit. The other had on a suit with multicolored zigzags. He also wore a spiked collar and was loudly smacking his gum. The Rangers and Billy gaped in utter disbelief.
" What the....Can't be....No way," they all murmured.
Zordon ignored them and continued. "And now to reveal their identities....."
"As if we couldn't guess," mumbled Tommy.
"New leaders of the Power Rangers....remove your helmets!"
"Um, hi!" said Bulk as soon as his helmet was off. "A funny thing happened to us on the way to the Detective Agency this morning. We got sucked up here, met this floating head and weird robot thing and were told to put on these silly outfits."
"Yeah, silly outfits!" echoed Skull who was still snapping his gum.
"Um, well, I guess our secret is out now," said Adam.
Rocky stared blankly at him. "That we like to stick bugs up our noses?"
"No, you idiot, that we're the Power Rangers," replied Billy.
"Whatd'ya mean 'we'?" mumbled Tommy.
"Aw, we already knew you were the Power Rangers," said Skull.
"Yeah," said Bulk, "why else did you think we stopped hunting for them."
"But, but how did you know?" asked Kat.
Bulk sighed. "Easy, first of all you guys always wore the same colors as the Power Rangers. The original Rangers were red, blue, pink, black and yellow. And Jason, Billy, Kimberly, Zack, and Trini always wore those colors. Then when Jason, Zack and Trini left, in came Rocky, Adam and Aisha in those exact same colors. Also, when Tommy first came, he wore green, just like the green ranger, and then when the white ranger came, he wore white. When Kim left, Kat showed up in pink. When Aisha left, Tanya showed up in yellow.......need I go on?"
"Not really," said Jason. "So that's how you figured it out?"
"Yeah," said Skull. "That and the fact that your stupid communicators always beeped so loudly that anyone could hear them, and you idiots always morphed where anyone could see you."
"But why did it take you so long to figure it out?" asked Billy.
"Duh! For the same reason we've been in high school for the past ten years," replied Bulk.
"You know what's really scary about that?" asked Tanya. "No one else in Angel Grove has figured out we're the Power Rangers. And that makes those two," she nodded at Bulk and Skull, "the smartest among its citizens."
"Bulk," Zordon continued to boom in his omnipotent voice, "as the great and powerful Polka-Dot Ranger (and for other reasons), you will command the HIPPO ZORD."
"Well, I.....Hey!" Bulk scowled at Zordon.
"Ha, ha, ha, hippo, ha, ha, ha," Skull guffawed.
"Oh yeah, that stupid laugh reminds me," continued Zordon. "Skull, as the great and powerful ZigZag Ranger, you will command the JACKA..."
"Uh uh uh," Tanya waved a finger at Zordon. "Remember, little kids are watching this."
"Ummm, I mean DONKEY ZORD," finished Zordon.
Suddenly, the monster alarm went off. "dweedweedwee...."
"Rangers, Mondo has sent down an Alarm Clock monster to Angel Grove Park." The Rangers and Billy shuddered at the thought. "You must go and stop him."
"So what else is new?" asked Rocky.
"It's Morphin' Time!!!!!" shouted Jason and Tommy together.
"Zeo Ranger 1....Pink!"
"Zeo Ranger 2....Yellow!"
"Zeo Ranger 3....Blue!"
"Zeo Ranger 4....Green!"
"Zeo Ranger 5....Red!"
"Gold Ranger Power!"
"Polka Dot Ranger Power!"
"Zigzag Ran....," Skull dropped his crystal. "Oops, sorry." He picked it up and held it upside down. "Uh, let's see, where was I?"
"Dweeb!" said Bulk.
"Oh, yeah....Zigzag Ranger Power!"
The Rangers all transported to the park.
"Ok, Zordon," said Billy. "Where'd you hide it this time?"
"Hide what?" Zordon put on an innocent face.
"You know what. Now where is it?"
Zordon looked away, whistling. "I have no idea of what you're talking about."
"Alpha?" Billy turned to the little robot.
"Ay yi yi, Billy....please don't ask me, I don't know!" Alpha whined.
"Not even for the latest issue of "Hot Droid Babes?" Billy dangled the magazine tantalizingly over Alpha's head.
"The right console, under the third control panel," Alpha quickly replied. He snatched the magazine as Billy handed it to him.
"Traitor!" grumbled Zordon.
"Sorry." Alpha began to gawk at the centerfold and drool coolant. "Wow, baby! What a great set of transistors!"
Billy opened up the control panel. Inside were about 8 or 9 empty vodka bottles.
"That does it, Zordon! How are we supposed to beat these monsters if you keep getting drunk all the time and coming up with these crazy ideas?"
Zordon sniffed defensively. "What's so crazy about my ideas?"
"Let's see, last month you wanted to put additions on the Zords so you could hire them out as a weekend amusement park."
"Well with your high fee, we really need the money."
"And last week, you wanted the Rangers to get completely new costumes and become the 'Village People Rangers'."
"Well, the seventies are coming back," murmured Zordon.
"Finally, there's the time you begged Alpha to smash open your tube because you wanted to see if your head could bounce around this room."
"Well, it does get boring inside this stupid tube."
"Nevertheless," Billy continued. "I told you what would happen if you didn't stop drinking."
"No!" Zordon pleaded. "Not that! I won't do it!"
"Sorry, but you leave me no other choice."
"Look!" shouted Skull. "There's the Alarm Clock monster!
And look at what it's doing!"
"BRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGGGG!!!!!!!! Time to get up for school, kiddies!!!!!!" The monster ran around ringing his alarm in everyone's face. People ran away screaming.
"School?" sputtered Bulk. "Aaah! We must stop it, now! Ready, Skull?"
Bulk and Skull looked up and raised their right arms. "We need Zeo Zord power....."
"No! Wait!" Rocky interrupted.
"Huh? Wait for what?" asked Skull in a confused voice.
"Guys, didn't you read rule 37?" asked Tommy. "You can't call the zords yet."
Bulk folded his arms. "Oh, and why not?"
"Because the monster isn't a giant yet," said Tanya. "We gotta wait until that stupid robot with a Scottish accent comes and twirls a little robot and throws it at the monster and makes it grow."
"So why don't we just destroy those two robots first?" asked Bulk.
Kat sighed. "Rule 88, no destroying the monsters' means of growing to giant size."
"So, what do we do until, then?" asked Skull. "Just wait around while he gives the whole town the heebie-jeebies?"
"BRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!" The Alarm Clock monster continued to run around in circles. "No time to sleep! Get to work!"
"No," Adam swung at an approaching cog. "We just waste time in fighting these cogs for a while."
"That makes no sense. We should just grow now and get it over with." said Bulk.
"What?" asked Jason, "and get the 'Monster Union' on our tails for breech of contract?"
"You got a contract with monsters?" asked Bulk.
"Monsters have unions?" asked Skull.
"Yep," answered Tommy. "And it says we can't defeat the monsters until they become giant-sized."
"Oh, ok." sighed Bulk.
The Rangers spent the next few minutes fighting the cogs while the Alarm Clock monster continued to annoy everyone it could find. Then Klank and Orbus showed up and made the monster grow. At that point, Bulk and Skull were allowed to call the zords.
"So, let's see what this zord can do." mumbled Skull from inside the Donkey Zord. He pushed some buttons. "Hee Haw!" The zord brayed as it kicked the giant Alarm Clock monster onto its back.
"Now it's my turn," said Bulk as he pushed buttons inside the Hippo Zord. The big, plump zord stomped up to the monster and sat on him before he could get up. When the zord stood back up, the monster was as flat as a pancake. Then it disappeared.
"Oh, ummm," mumbled Tommy who had just arrived with the others in their zords. "Good work. I guess."
Bulk and Skull got out of their zords and began to dance around giving each other high-fives. "This Power Ranger stuff sure is fun!" Skull shouted gleefully.
Several rows of seats were set up. The people sitting in them were talking
and mumbling in confusion. "Where the hell are we?" "What's
with all those flashing lights and the stupid glass tube?" "I
must be hallucinating again."
The group's leader looked at Billy. "How did we get here?"
Billy grinned. "Never mind that. You got yourself a new member now. Zordon, come on out."
A sheepish looking Zordon appeared in his glass tube. Several people gasped. "Billy, did you forget rule 22, no transporting non-Rangers to the Power Chamber?"
MBR< "No, but since you were able to transport Adam, Rocky and Aisha here before they were Rangers 'for a good cause', I figured I could also transport people here 'for a good cause'. Now quit stalling and introduce yourselves to these nice people the way I told you to."
Zordon sighed. "Hello, My name is Zordon of Eltar, and I'm an alchoholic....."