Disclaimer: Saban Entertainment owns all characters and
rights to Power Rangers. I'm just a fan. This is an odd piece, written
out of a discussion with Jeremy Ray Logsdon over who was better off with
Tommy. I wrote it strictly out of sympathy for Kat because she gets
written in as the evil or bad person far too often, especially by us
Tommy/Kim fans. It has no action, it just...is. Credit for songs at
the end. Hey...I actually wrote a short story! ;)
I can't believe what I see. What I hear. Oh God, it hurts so bad! I
want to run at them, scream at them, pull them apart and hurt them as
badly as they have hurt me.
I close my eyes, only for a moment, and the moment's gone
All my dreams, pass before my eyes, a curiosity
Dust in the wind, all they are is dust in the wind.
But I don't. I won't.
For all that they have hurt me here today, they are both my friends.
The kind you don't find every day. We've been through so much
I love him. I thought he loved me too. Tears begin to stream down my
face. I let them, unwilling to tear my eyes away from the sight of them
smiling into one another's faces. It's burned into my mind.
Same old song, just a drop of water in an endless sea
All we do, crumbles to the ground, though we refuse to see
Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind
I wonder if he can hear my heart breaking? I can't help the sob that
escapes from me. I'm half tempted to run and hide...then he looks up
and sees me. His dark eyes are full of shock that quickly turns to
guilt. A flush covers her face and she looks away. Both of them step
away from one another and he turns towards me.
Now don't hang on, nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky
It slips away, and all your money won't another minute buy.
I just stand there. My world is falling apart before my eyes. My
dreams, hopes for the future...all gone. All that's left to me is my
pain. It wells up and makes me want to wail to the world, to mourn what
Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind
Dust in the wind, everything is dust in the wind.
* * *
A quiet noise pulls my attention away from Kim and I turn and see Kat
standing there. My arms drop away from Kim and I feel sick as I see the
shattered look on Kat's face. Another of the quiet cries tells me I
have truly hurt her.
Oh God. What have I done?
Why do lovers drift apart
And how does love fade away
When do pieces of a broken heart mend again
Her skyblue eyes are stormy with tears. I take a step towards her, then
stop. I can't deny what I feel for Kimberly. It's strong. Stronger
maybe than even I thought. I don't think I realized until she came home
again. To have Kim back....
Would I sacrifice Kat's happiness? The answer isn't one I'm proud of.
She knows. I see it in her eyes. Sweet, gentle Katherine. The heart
of the former Turbo team. Her tears are there because of me. And, God
forgive me, I know exactly how she's feeling.
What sad memory of yesterday
What terrible scar
Keeps you gathering the pieces of
Your shattered heart
Without thinking about it, I walk towards her. We stand staring at each
other, and neither of us has any words for the other. What could I
say? I can't say the words that would make her feel better. I can't
lie to you, Kat. I've already done too much of that. And look where
that got you.
The hurt in her face is almost too much for me to see. But I owe her
this. By all rights she should slap my face and stomp out of here. I
almost wish she would, so I could feel better.
This is Katherine Hillard though. Class act, first rate lady.
She deserves better than only a small portion of a heart. She deserves
better than what she's getting here. Mustering my voice I finally find
the courage to meet her gaze.
There was once upon a time
When hope was living within
I know there will come a time
When you can believe again
* * *
Finally he says something.
I'm sorry. The words are so empty. So much less than I wanted to hear,
dreamed of hearing. Was so certain I would hear.
So what do you do when somebody you're devoted to
Suddenly just stops loving you and it seems they haven't
got a clue
Of the pain that rejection is putting you through
Do you cling to your pride and sing "I will survive"
Do you lash out and say: "How dare you leave this way"
Do you hold on in vain as they just slip away
A million possibilities flash through my mind. I see him flinch as he
meets my gaze and for a moment I'm happy to see him uncomfortable. I'm
miserable. Why should he be happy?
My heart cracks a little more and I know I can't stop loving him just
like that. I can't deny what I feel, even if he doesn't feel the same.
Looking into those dark eyes, I realize I can't hurt him.
So now what?
Squaring my shoulders, I force a parody of a smile on my face. Look him
square in the eye, Katherine. "I know." The relief in his expression
is almost my undoing. It seals away any lingering hope I had, snuffs
them as completely as blowing out a candle.
I gather my courage and tattered pride and turn my gaze to the girl
behind him. Tears glitter in the doe brown eyes and for a moment we
stare at each other. She knows exactly how I feel. "Kim." I'm proud
of how warm it sounds, how gracious. "Welcome home."
Well I guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it
And I'm going the extremes to prove I'm fine without you
But in reality I'm slowly loosing my my mind
Underneath the guise of a smile gradually I'm dying inside
* * *
This isn't how it was supposed to be! I bite my lip and twine my
fingers, feeling more awkward than I ever have in my entire life. How
do you handle this situation? An uncertain smile tilts my mouth.
"Um...hi, Katherine." Tears burn my eyes for the pain she's
Tommy stands in front of her and I can see from the tense set of his
shoulders, he's feeling bad. Please, I pray, don't make this any
worse. Give it to her clean and straight.
Tell her what I didn't have the courage to tell you face to face.
She can feel you
Drifting far away
But she can't see through
What you do not say
Take a step back
Don't lose your ground
It took all I had in me to return to Angel Grove. Now I feel like a
heel for starting this whole love triangle. If I hadn't dumped Tommy in
the first place none of this would've happened. If I hadn't gotten
lonely and turned to Luke.... How did I ever think he'd replace Tommy?
If I hadn't decided Kat would be a perfect replacement....
If. Lots of ifs.
"Katherine... I'm sorry...." And I truly am. I know how she feels.
My eyes meet hers and suddenly all I want is to be done with this.
Tell her, Tommy. Just tell her and set her free.
The hardest to be found
Can't be measured
'Till they're not around
Maybe she'll go
Maybe she'll stay
But she'd rather go than fade away
Sometimes the sweetest sorrow
Is the saddest fate
* * *
This is not one of my proudest moments. To get my dream back, I have to
hurt someone dear to me. How do I do this?
There's no easy way.
I've been bound to leave you, we've known that for awhile
I'm sure it's something I can't do if I can't leave you with a smile
I don't know how far I'll have to go till I'm sure those eyes won't
And in my mind I've left enough to know that I can't leave you
With a bad goodbye
She's so beautiful, even with tearstains on her cheeks. Kim comes and
stands by me and my resolve strengthens again. Why did I ever let you
think I might love you, Kat? Why did I ignore all the signs? You made
it clear enough.
This is all my fault. I led you to believe I could give you my heart
and life. You gave your heart so freely. Now all you get in return is
Say the words. You have to!
"Kat, I don't know what to say." I'm only making this worse! "I didn't
mean to hurt you...." But I have. "I was just selfish in letting you
think I felt more for you than friendship." Please don't cry! "I'm so
Oh man,those were hardest words I've ever said.
I'm still bound to leave you, I surely don't know how
My heart won't let me put you through
What my mind said should happen now
I don't know where we'll go from here, there may be no way to fly
And the cloud I'm in just makes it all too clear that I can't leave
With a bad goodbye
* * *
I know he means well, but the words only deepen the wound. He's trying
to make it clear, make it right.
Is there any fairness in this situation? What did I do to deserve this?
I close my eyes, and take a slow, deep breath, just like I used to when
I was going to leap off the high dive. Is this any different? I'm just
as scared...and life is just as full of danger and unknown
When I open my eyes, I can smile a genuine smile. Yes, there is still
pain there, but I will sift through the rubble of this until I find the
good. And I will hold on to that and treasure it.
Look in my eyes while you're near.
Tell me what's happening here.
See that I don't want to say goodbye.
Our love is frozen in time.
I'll be your champion and you will be mine.
I will remember.
I will remember you.
Lessons I learned from being on the diving team and the Ranger team have
strengthened me. I hold out my hand, praying he doesn't notice how it
trembles. "We can still be friends, can't we?"
I know it was me who had to say it. I can see it in his eyes. He was
afraid to ask.
Afraid I'd turn him away.
When this fire is an ember.
Later on, when the night's not so tender,
though it's hard to remember darlin'
I will be holding,
I'll still be holding on to you.
I will remember you
* * *
Stunned. I can't believe she's taking this so well. But, I remind
myself. This is a very classy lady.
I have learned that beauty
Has to flourish in the light
Wild horses ride unbridled
Or their spirit dies
Hesitating, I reach out and take the hand she offers. Our eyes meet and
for just a moment...I see what might have been.
It isn't meant to be. She's let me off easy, I won't ever forget that.
"Definitely." I feel her hand tremble. So strong and yet so
Spread your wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly
Fly abandonedly into the sun
If you should return to me
We truly were meant to be
So spread your wings and fly
So flutter through the sky
Spread your wings and fly
* * *
It feels odd to be going back alone. The whole flight from London I had
dreamed of how Tommy and I could return together for a little vacation.
See the sights, and enjoy each others company.
I look back and smile. Tommy and Kimberly stand with their arms around
one another. With a last wave, I walk into the boarding tunnel, leaving
it all behind me.
Standing on the border
Looking out into the great unknown
I can feel my heart beating faster
As I step out on my own
There's a new horizon
And the promise of a favorable wind
I'm heading out tonight
I'm gonna start all over again
It still hurts. Probably will for a while. But I know I can go on. I
have friends and family, I have my dancing. I have love and laughter
and the future.
Gonna climb the mountain
And look the eagle in the eye
I won't let fear clip my wings and tell me how high I can fly
Next time...it's my turn to win.
Song Credits: "Dust in the Wind" by Kansas; "Like I Love You" by Amy Grant; "Breakdown" by Mariah Carey; "If I Were You" by Celine Dion; "A Bad Goodbye" by Clint Black; "I Will Remember You" by Amy Grant; "Butterfly" by Mariah Carey; "One Way Ticket (Because I Can)" by LeAnn Rimes