OK ALL X-FILES STUFF IS OWNED AND COPYRIGHTED BY CHRIS CARTER AND FOX! TBAA
IS OWNED BY MARTHA WILLIAMSON AND CBS (I THINK!). I AM MAKING NO PROFIT AT
THIS. I JUST WROTE IT CAUSE IT WOULD NOT LEAVE ME ALONE UNTIL I SAT DOWN AND
WROTE IT. PLEASE DON'T SUE!!!!! I BARELY HAVE ANY MONEY ANYWAY!!!!!! ALSO IF
THE PLOT OR TITLE IS SIMILAR TO ANYONE ELSE'S IN THE FANFIC WORLD I'M SORRY!
IT WAS A MERE COINCIDENCE. P,S. I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO MEDICAL/ X-FILE
KNOWLEDGE!!!! SO PLEASE DON'T GET MAD IF I'M WRONG ON STUFF!!!!!!!
FEEDBACK: PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!! I WANT TO KNOW IF I'M WASTING MY TIME OR NOT
DOING THIS! IS GETTING IN FIGHTS WITH MY PARENTS WORTH IT? YES NO? PLEASE
SAY SOMETHING! MY ADDY IS chosen_Amanda@hotmail.com
RATING: I'D SAY PG. THERE'S A LOT OF SAD STUFF AND INNER TURMOIL.
RATING: I'D SAY PG. THERE'S A LOT OF SAD STUFF AND INNER TURMOIL.
The famous Washington Cherry blossoms floated gently to the ground. Monica sat aside one tree drinking in its beauty. "Oh I love spring Tess. It 's all so beautiful. It's like God's hand is washing the world anew."
"Yes it does, baby. Unfortunately not all people see things that way. Like our next assignment. "At that moment a man in a dress suit with a briefcase walked by." His name is Fox Mulder. He's an FBI agent."
Monica's eyes widened. "FBI. That sounds like an important job."
"It is," Tess continued. " He works in a small department called the X-Files. They study paranormal and unexplained happenings. He has a lot of scares underneath that badge though, some of which he doesn't even know of."
"What kinda of scares Tess?"
"Well. When he was younger his sister was abducted. He thinks by aliens. Ever since that day he's been on the search to find her, finding many other hurts and painful memories along with it. He's also on the search to find the truth of this life and world."
"Well there's nothing wrong with that…is there?" Monica questioned.
"Well, no baby. But the way he's going about it, it is. He searches everywhere and puts his, and his partner's life in danger to find the truth. But when the real truth is right in front of him, staring him in the face, he brushes it off. The one being who can show him the truth he refuses to accept, and trust."
"He doesn't believe in God. So in reality he's denying the truth he's searching so hard for."
"Yes he is. This is going to be hard Angel-girl. But I know the Almighty knows what He's doing, and He wouldn't have given it to you if you couldn't show him the way."
"Will you be helping me Tess? It sounds like a hard case and I don't want to work on it without your help."
"I'm not going to be active in this case. I'll be on the outer lines just watching. But don't worry baby, I'll be here when you need me. Just say His truth that's all you need. And remember, you're never alone."
"I know Tess. Well, let's get started." And with that they were off on their mission.
Mulder rushed down the steps into his office. The elevator will take forever and I'm late enough as it is. _ He was a good half-hour late and expected to find Scully siting at her desk mad at him. But as he opened the door he realized that she wasn't there. In fact there was no evidence of anyone being there. That was the strange thing. He had known Scully for six years and she had never been late. It made no sense.
Than his paranoid side started to take over. God what if something happened, what if she's hurt? Mulder get a grip! She's a little late that doesn't mean you should start an investigation about it. He scolded himself. Still he couldn't help but feel a little panicky. He and Scully had been through a lot together. When you've gone through the things they've gone through, you can't help but be a little paranoid.
Just than he heard Scully's heels clicking as she came down the hall. But they were very slow, too slow. Something was defiantly wrong. She opened the door walked over to her desk and slumped down in her chair. No hello, no nothing. She was very pale and he could see she hadn't slept much, if at all.
"You ok Scully?" He knew she wasn't and he knew she wouldn't admit it but he asked anyway.
Scully looked up at him, seeing his concern. She didn't want to admit that she was hurting even to herself. Her side had been hurting her all night long. She hadn't been able to sleep at all. But she lied and said, "I'm fine Mulder just a bit tired that's all. Sorry I'm late."
He looked back at her. If he had any doubts about something being wrong before they had vanished. Something was defiantly up." You sure everything's ok? You seem kinda out of it."
Scully gazed into his eyes. It was obvious that she wasn't going to be able to hide it from him anyway. She might as well tell him what was up otherwise he'd pester her all day. "It's nothing really big Mulder. My side' s hurting me a bit. That's all."
"Side. Which side?"
"It's my right." Scully said with a small grimace.
"Don't you think you should see what's up?" Mulder suggested.
Scully sighed. "Nothing's wrong Mulder. I probably pulled a muscle." When she finished that sentence she flinched in pain again. Her efforts for hiding it were weakening. Stay strong, Dana, you can hide it.
"Scully. "Mulder walked over to her," I think you need to go to the hospital."
"No Mulder I do-" Scully gasped this time pulling forward. She lost her voice due to the pain. She felt that if she spoke she might scream.
Mulder took her shoulder." Scully I think we should get you checked out. Come on." He helped her to stand up. She walked past her desk, than cried out and began to fall forward clutching her side in pain. Mulder held on to her and helped her get to his car.
When she finally got in the car tears began to welt up. Amidst everything that was going on she was worried. What was wrong with her this time? Was the cancer back or was it something new to worry about? How many more times were bad things like this going to happen? She swore between her and Mulder they kept the hospitals in business. Her abduction, her cancer. Plus so many other things she didn't want to remember. When was enough, enough?
Mulder got in the car and started driving, his mind going in different directions also. They had been in this situation so may times before. How many more times was this going to happen? He often found himself trying not to laugh whenever Scully mentioned her faith in God. Yeah right! If God loved them so much why did He allow so much stuff to go on? Not just to them but to other people? It didn't seem like love to him. If there was a God, which he highly doubted, Mulder thought He was one sick cookie.
He glanced over at Scully. She didn't look good. Her face was almost white and she was trying not to belt over in pain. Plus she had sweat on her forward; she looked like she was running a high fever. He felt so bad. How many times had he seen his partner hurting like this? In either physical or emotional pain? Too many that was for sure. "God so loved," he thought, Yeah right! If this is how He treats the people He loves I'll pass.
He turned the corner. Another minute they would be at the hospital. "We' re almost there Scully. Hang in there." No answer." Scully?" He lightly shook her shoulder only to find her unconscious. "Oh God! Hang on Scully! We 're almost there!" He knew very well she couldn't hear him but he had to say it. He put his foot all the way on the gas and he flew through at least three red lights. Lucky for him no cops were around to give him a ticket. He zoomed into the Emergency room's parking lot and slammed on the brakes. He was acting like someone who had lost his or her mind. The thing was he felt like he was losing his heart.
He grabbed Scully and carried her in. "I need some help!" he shouted. Immediately there were doctors around him and he started to explain everything that had happened. They took her down to an exam room and told him to sit and wait.
And wait he did. It seemed like hours had gone by when the doctors came and told him what was wrong with Scully. In actuality it was less than half and hour. But before they came a pretty red-haired woman came up to talk to him.
Monica had seen the whole thing happen. Now it was time for her to do her job and try to comfort Agent Mulder. She walked over to him. He was slouched on a chair watching the floor eating sunflower seeds. "Hello." Her Irish accent rang through the hall. "I'm Monica."
Mulder looked up but only out of common courtesy. One look at her and he thought she was someone from some fifty's show. A bright smile, shining eyes, long hair. Looking as though this world was a beautiful place. That was the last thing he wanted right now. "May I help you?" he mumbled between seeds.
"I was told you might need someone to talk to." Mulder sat up straight with a very confused look. " When people have friends or family come in I'm sent to talk with them. Especially when they're by themselves."
"Ah. Like a social worker huh?" Mulder said." Funny, I've been in this situation tons of times before. Never had anyone come talk to me."
Monica wavered her head from side to side." You could say I'm like a social worker. I'm new here, and I don't think they've had workers like me before… So have you heard anything yet?"
"No." Mulder said. Than remembering his manners." Silly me. I'm Fox Mulder." he shook her hand." So what made you want to do a job like this at the hospital. You have to deal with a lot of sad people."
"Well. I like to help people. Give them the strength that they need during they're hard time and tell them that God loves them, and is there for them no matter what." Monica stated.
Mulder almost choked on a seed." God! Ha! Now there's a laugh. If God loves so much He sure has a sick way of showing it. This is one of the main reasons I don't believe in Him. I don't see Him giving love, all I see are hurting people. He's not even real anyway, it's just something people made up to give themselves some sort of assurance that someone loves them when in actuality the entire "God" idea is nothing but our own images. Our own longing for some great mystical being to exist and love and hold the globe in His hand. I believe in many unreal things, I'll admit that but to believe in this is I don't know…confusing. I mean God doesn't even seem like a reality to me. I don't know, it's funny I believe in all these crazy ideas but the one thing almost everyone does I say isn't real."
Monica was surprised, this was going to be harder than she thought. "What kind of things Mr. Mulder?"
Mulder glared at her. But as he stared into her eyes he softened. There was something special about this lady. He wasn't sure what, but she took the anger right out of him. It was as though he saw pure love in her eyes. And even though the only person he trusted was Scully he somehow knew that this woman was trustworthy. He couldn't explain it but he knew, something in him just knew. " You can call me Fox. " Mulder paused. What the heck! No one called him Fox! His mom, and Scully's mom but outside of that no one! He hated the name! Why then was he letting a total stranger call him that? Something weird was going on. " I've seen many things I'd doubt you'd believe. No one else does. So I just try and keep it to myself."
"I have an open mind Fox. I'll listen to you."
He looked at her hesitantly. But seeing that look of love, and now peace in her eyes he started to tell her things, many things. Things that only Scully knew. And than he told her things between him and Scully. He just didn't get it, why was he being so open with a total stranger? It was like she was a magnet and was drawing these things out of him. Yet somewhere deep inside him he knew it was safe and he knew she was trustworthy.
Monica listened with full attention. Even though many of the things he said she herself new were not true she didn't discourage him. She just let him tell her everything he needed to say. He was a very troubled man, one who trusted no one, and yet needed someone to trust, needed someone to love and to be loved. He had been through a lot in his life. And most of the time he had no one to go through it with him. And if people went through it with him he felt guilty about it. Oh Fox if only you knew how much God cares for you, and if only you'd be willing to accept him, She thought. Just as he was finishing up about what had happened today, Scully's doctor came up to him.
"Agent Mulder?" The doctor asked. She was around Scully's height with long blonde hair.
Mulder got up." Yes."
The doctor smiled." I'm Dr. Cheryl Kotsaftis. "
"What's wrong with her?" Mulder asked. He needed to know. He had to. Please don't let it be anything horrible. Not again. He pleaded secretly.
The doctor bit her lip." Your partner has appendicitis. She's upstairs. We want to start prepping her for surgery but there's one problem."
"She refuses until she gets to talk to you first. So would you please come upstairs with me. I don't want that appy to burst." "Ok let's go. Oh, thanks for listening Monica." Mulder called over his shoulder as he followed the doctor.
Monica just smiled and nodded her head. She hoped everything would work out ok. But above all work out for God's will.
Mulder walked into Scully's room and smiled. She was arguing with one of the nurses about something.
Finally the nurse gave up and stormed out of the room." I thought I was the one who was supposed to bother the nurses?" Mulder asked.
Scully was fiddling with her IV. "It's about time you got here! She was trying to get me ready to go to surgery. But I wanted to talk to you first."
He sat on the edge of her bed." What about?"
"I'm not really sure I just wanted to see you." She took his hand." I can 't believe I didn't notice the symptoms! Here I am a Medical doctor and I didn't even notice. Sometimes I can be so dense."
"People make mistakes Scully. Heaven knows I do. You've been under a lot of stress lately. You just weren't paying attention. You feeling any better? Never mind stupid question."
"No it's not. They gave me something I have absolutely no clue as to what though. Thanks for making me come. I'm actually rather mad at myself."
"Because I'm always on you whenever you aren't feeling right. I'm usually like that with myself too. But lately it's like I'm not taking as good care of myself as I should. I don't know what it is." She lowered her eyes.
"Maybe," Mulder tipped her chin up so their eyes met." you're afraid. You' ve had a lot of bad things happen Scully. It's ok to be afraid. It's ok to worry about what could be wrong now, and afraid it'll be something horrible. Believe me I know that feeling."
"I guess I just don't want anything bad to happen again. It isn't just because I can't handle it anymore. But I hate seeing my mom hurt, and you. You've always been there for me. Thank you." She squeezed his hand tighter.
"Look who's talking. I wouldn't be here if not for your help, and friendship." The nurse was back and cleared her throat at the door." I think I better go now. I'll see you in a few hours. Have a good nap." He kissed her forehead and left the room.
Half an hour later Mulder found himself in the cafeteria trying to get the stupid vending machine to work. Figures today he would run out of sunflower seeds. After tracking down fifteen vending machines on all floors he finally found sunflower seeds in the first place he'd started looking. And now the stupid thing wouldn't give him the bag. He just couldn't win.
"Com'on you dumb thing work!" He yelled at the machine. Than he lost control and kicked it." Ouch. Bad idea Fox." The bag still hadn't dropped." Hrrrr!"
"Having problems?" Monica asked out of no where.
Mulder jumped." Monica you startled me. This stupid thing won't give me my sunflower seeds!" He snapped." Sorry I'm just kind of on edge."
"It's ok. I heard they took Agent Scully into surgery. Are you going to be ok?"
"Yeah, Scully will be fine. I just want some seeds!" Mulder whined.
"Here let me try." Monica smiled stepping forward she lightly tapped on the glass.
"Knock yourself out but I doubt you can do-" the bag fell to the bottom of the machine." it… Ok so I was wrong. It's not the first time."
"Sometimes it just takes patience's." Monica stated handing him the bag. "Need someone to talk to?" she asked.
Mulder shrugged." Sure as long as you won't get into trouble."
Monica shook her head." I won't" The two sat down at a table. Mulder started talking about Scully and about how much she drives him crazy yet how he can't do anything without her. "Fox can I ask you something?"
Mulder stopped playing with a seed and looked up at her." Sure. Sorry I'm talking so much, I usually don't talk like this to people I don't know, but…there seems to be something special about you." He smiled.
Monica smiled back. " Thank you, Fox. But um, if you don't mind me asking. Is Agent Scully more than a friend to you?"
Mulder paused, rather surprised by her comment. "You know. I never even thought about it that way." He blurted out." Yeah, I guess she is. I don't know what I'd do without her. I've had many close calls with her I guess that's why I worry about her a lot."
"Fox." Monica began." Why don't you believe in God? I asked you earlier but you never really answered my question."
Mulder paused again. Why was this lady so curious about whether he believed in God or not?" What does it matter?"
Monica bit her lip." Well. You believe in so many, how do I say this…far-fetched things? And yet you don't believe there is a God that sits at the head of the universe and loves you more than you'll ever know?"
Mulder laughed." Loves, yeah right! Did you hear the things I told you earlier? If there is a God He doesn't like me that much. And He doesn't like Scully either. I mean I can understand not liking me, I've never believed in Him, but Scully. She goes to church faithful and does all that stuff. Why would God do such horrible things to children He loves?"
"Oh Fox." Monica began, she had to be very careful how she said this, he would either accept it or run away." God does love you. You can't blame Him for bad things happening. I don't know why so many bad things have happened to you. But I know God loves you so much that I can't describe. Humans are the ones that cause hurt and pain and torment. And humans are the ones that lie to one another. Those things are not of God. Not all things that come our way in life are bad. I'm sure that when the good things came your way you didn't stop and thank God for it. But when the bad things happen He is immediately blamed for it."
"If I can be honest Monica not many good things have happened." He looked in her eyes. Something seemed so sincere, so true in them. It was as though the truth to life were in her, or and least whatever she represented." I'll tell you what. Next time a good thing happens I'll consider God was behind it ok?"
Monica just smiled." That's not what I meant."
"Nah. I know. I'm taking you're a Christian of some kind? So what religion are you into? Would I be presumptuous in saying Roman Catholic? I know your Irish. Scully is to and she's Catholic."
"No. I'm not in any religion. God is not a religion Fox. Man made that. God is in our hearts and souls. He lives within us when we let Him."
"It must get kinda crowded than." Mulder joked.
Monica stared at him." You are incredible sarcastic! Don't you take anything seriously?"
Mulder laughed," That's what Scully, says. I can't help it. I think it's just a part of my personality. I have to laugh at things how else would I have made it this far? I'm sorry I didn't mean to offend you or God. If they 're even is one."
"You still don't think it's possible-" Monica began but was cut off when a nurse came in asking for Mulder.
"Mr. Mulder you need to come with me." The nurse said curtly and walked out of the cafeteria.
Mulder followed." What is it? Is something wrong with Scully?" He asked franticly but wasn't answered was just told to follow. When they got to the ICU floor the nurse told him to wait for the doctor. He was still just as clueless as when he had been downstairs. He sat down and waited.
Monica had walked up behind him. But had gone into her invisible mode. She found the room where Scully was in and gasped. Because Andrew was standing next to the bed, and his face wasn't one of good news.
Six hours later:
Monica, Andrew, and Tess were all in Scully's room. The surgery had gone ok but towards the end her blood pressure shot up and she had slipped into a coma. She was lucky she hadn't died, but she was still very close to death's door. Mulder sat on the other side of the room in a chair, head in his hands.
"I can't believe this happened. Tess, he was just started to consider God, now he's probably pushed all thought of him away again." Monica stated.
"I know baby, I have no clue why something like this went down. But it's free will. They all make choices everyday. What one person does can affect another person. Unfortunately that's the way things go down here." Monica looked at Andrew." Well? Is she going to?"
Andrew shrugged." I don't know. I wasn't supposed to be here. I was upstairs with someone else and was told to stay put for awhile." Andrew sighed." I sure hope it doesn't end this way for her. She's a lovely woman. And she's a fighter. " Andrew chuckled softly." We all say that the day Mulder and Scully leave and stay gone will be a shocker. These two have both had so many close brushes with death I can't count them all. It's as though they have some great mission here. Otherwise they should both have been taken a long time ago. She's fought so many things so many times, I hope this doesn't claim her."
"I hope it doesn't either." Monica sighed.
"Better start getting back on the case Angel-girl. Cause any effect you made on your assignment is gone now. "
Monica gasped." Tess! I can't! Not after this, he won't want to talk with me!"
Tess put a hand up to silence her." He needs someone to listen and to be there right now. He feels alone. It's time he realizes he never was. It's up to you Angel-girl. Be strong. And remember you're here to help him. And to make him here the truth, maybe not the truth he wants but the truth he needs. Understand?" Monica nodded." Good." Tess sighed. "Well get going already."
In a second Monica was gone. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mulder was trying so hard not to cry. He knew he was alone. But he felt like he couldn't cry. What if Scully was to wake up and see him crying? She wouldn't be too happy about that. Scully wake up. He sighed. The doctor had first said it was a fifty-fifty chance. Now it was down to an eighty-twenty chance. Great percentages to work with. But than again they had been right here before. Boy, had they been here before. So many times he'd lost count ages ago. And she had pulled through so had he. But somehow for some odd reason this time was different. He wasn't sure if it was because it hadn't started out serious or if it was something inside of him. He felt like he was losing it. Losing her. How could he go on without her by his side? He lifted his head and stared at her. Why was it that no matter what situation how sick she was she always looked beautiful to him? She always looked like an angel softly sleeping.
"Fox?" Mulder startled looking to his right and seeing Monica peer her head into the doorway. He sighed. In a way she was the last person he wanted to see right now. And yet those eyes. So full of peace, and love. She seemed trustworthy enough. Besides he didn't want to be alone. Deep down that was the last thing he wanted right now.
"Hey Monica. Come-on in." He gestured his hand.
"Fox, I'm so sorry. I wish there was something I could do to help." Monica said sitting down.
"Isn't that what you're doing right now? Helping the friend of the patient?" Mulder sighed. Reaching into his pocket he fished out a few sunflower seeds." Want one?'
"Sure." Monica took one and looked at it. She bit into the seed and winced." How do you eat this thing?"
Mulder started laughing." That's not how! You need to take the shell off. Like this." He took the seed cracked it and gave the nut back to her." See?"
"Oh. Silly me." Monica sighed and ate it." Mm. tastes good."
"I always eat these when I'm nervous. You could call it a habit." He popped another one into his mouth.
"How is she?" Monica asked quietly.
Mulder sighed." Not good. Definitely, not good. But we've been here before. It's not the first time. She's been worse. If she fights it she'll make it."
"I hope so. I'm so sorry Fox. I feel so bad. " Monica said. She looked over at him as he stared over at Scully.
"Why? Because that God of yours likes seeing me hurt? He definitely does exist now I know that for a fact. With everything that's happened in my life He definitely exists."
"You don't mean that."
"Yes I do." Mulder glared at her with cold eyes." He has to. He won't leave me alone. Every person I care about has gotten hurt because of me. Scully's been hurt timelessly because of me. My father died because of me, Scully's sister. My sister's gone probably because of me. After she was taken I prayed every day for God to give her back to me. He never did. Still hasn't. I've just learned to realize that he doesn't like me that much. I must have been on His pick on list or something."
"Oh Fox." Monica began she felt so bad for this man. He'd been put through so much in his life. No wonder he didn't trust anyone." That isn't true. Fox, God loves you-"
Mulder got up and turned sharply around." Love? Love! A person doesn't do this to someone he loves. And God's love is supposed to be above everything else. I don't see love. All I see is hurt. If that's love He has a sadistic form of it. Which I don't want to have a thing to do with. Do me a favor, take your God of love and get lost." With that Mulder stormed out of the room leaving Monica in a form of shock.
She looked over at Andrew." What should I do?"
"I don't know." Andrew began. Than he looked at Scully." But whatever you do, do it quickly."
Scully walked hazily into a small dark room. She had no clue as to where she was. Was she awake? Was she dreaming? She couldn't remember, everything was a total blur to her eyes. She saw a faint light at the other side of the room and headed for it. She walked closer to it. It seemed like some sort of abyss to walk through.
"Hello Dana." She heard a voice from behind her and spun around. It was a man. A tall man with blond hair and a kind smile. She stared at him backing away. What was going on? Who was he? Her mouth dropped as a light consumed him.
"Who-who are you?"
"Look at me closely Dana. We've met before." The man stepped closer.
Scully took a few steps closer and looked into his eyes. He did look rather familiar. From where she wasn't sure. Than she gasped. She knew who he was." Andrew?"
He smiled." It's been awhile."
"I was hoping it would be longer." She said taking a step backwards again.
"Well it may be, I'm here just to be with you in case."
"What happened to me?" She asked sliding down the side of a wall. "You're in a coma." Her eyes widened." When you were in surgery your blood pressure shot up... you slipped into a coma from there."
Scully sighed." How does it look?"
Andrew came closer to her." Not good. But there's always hope."
"Yeah, hope sure. How come everything that starts out normal ends up being something totally the opposite? "She paused." How's Mulder doing?"
Andrew lowered his eyes," Not good. But Monica's with him. And Tess is supervising over both of them so…you never know."
Scully's eye's widened." Three angels? We must be in trouble."
Andrew shook his head. "No, just in need of some heavenly help. All humans need it; it's the only way to survive in this world."
"Am I going to die?" Scully asked.
"I don't know. You can fight it. I know God wants you to. You're needed here."
"Who needs me aside from my family."
Scully choked back a laugh." Mulder! He's fine without me. Give him an alien/government conspiracy and he doesn't need anyone."
"You didn't feel that way earlier." Andrew sat next to her." Dana, all those times when you were sick I saw Mulder. He was so broken up. I think that if you died, part of him would die to. You two are meant to be together. You need him just as much as he needs you. "
Scully lowered her eyes." Yeah. Mulder and I have had some tough times." She paused." Wait a minute we've had harder times than this before and we were never sent angels. During my cancer, during my abduction. How come all of a sudden we are now? What's the purpose to that? Did God finally decide to give us a hand or something?"
Andrew shrugged." Don't ask me. I'm just doing what I'm supposed to do. Maybe you both were ready for angels now rather than before. We're just messengers waiting for God's call. Sometimes you just have to be ready for it, to receive it. Maybe Mulder just needs to realize that he's not as alone as he thinks he is. Same with you too. Sometimes when you have the most support is when you feel the most alone."
"I've been in this situation so many times before. But Andrew, I'm so scared. It feels different this time. Why is that? The other times I wasn't aware of it. After my abduction I didn't know anything until after I woke up. But I'm not even conscious and I know what's going on."
"You only know because you're being shown it. Dana, I know you've always had your faith, but what is that faith? Is it something you were raised to believe in, or is it something else? Is it the thing that you always cling to, or do you only hold onto it when the hard times come? Faith isn't a once in a while deal Dana. It's twenty-four hours a day every day of your life commitment. Is that what it is for you?"
Scully paused. She really didn't know what the answer was.
Mulder found himself racing throughout the hospital. He didn't know where to go or what to do. Something in him needed to get away, needed to escape. He must have run through every floor in that hospital. Finally he found himself near the main floor again. He walked down this long hall that seemed to go on forever and ever. He came to a door at the end and realized it was the chapel. He gave a silent chuckle and opened the door. He stepped inside. All was quiet. So this was where people came to pray to their supposedly loving God. Yeah well, he'd see about that.
Monica sat in the corner of the chapel and watched Mulder. He was screaming his head off. Yelling, tossing Bibles. He was really upset and she just didn't know what to do. She felt so helpless.
"Angel-girl what are you doing? Can't you see that man needs some mercy and grace shed his way?" Tess asked sitting down next to Monica.
"Oh I know Tess. But the more I mention God the more upset he gets. It's as though I'm fighting a losing game. Everything I do seems to make it worse. Tess what should I do?" Monica pleaded.
"Tell him the truth baby. It's the only way. He needs to vent; he needs to get that anger out. Only after it's gone can he truly accept the truth that lies before him. He's spent most of his life searching for the truth. Now it's right before him. It's his decision whether to believe it or deny it. Good luck Miss Wings."
Scully stared at Andrew. "I don't know what to say to that. I have my faith but…I've never let it be in complete control of my life."
"Dana, you have faith in God. But do you have the belief? The knowing of God within every fiber of your being? Where He lives within you? That's the real faith. Surrendering to Him and letting Him do the work. As long as you resist that you miss out on something wonderful. You deny yourself the truth."
Scully's eyes widened." How can you say that? I've been spending the last six years of my live going after the truth. And now your saying I'm denying it?"
"Dana," Andrew began." What truth though? The truth that you're searching for or the truth you need to know? The truth you have to know the knowledge and ultimate life that comes from knowing it. Do you know that truth? The truth that puts great peace into your soul? The truth the calms every fear and gives you all the comforting you need? Do you know that truth?"
Scully looked at her hands, and started crying. He was right. She knew of God and she believed in Him. But she didn't really know Him. She always seemed to cling to her faith when the bad things happened. But in the good she forgot a lot. Of course that's only natural. You're raised in a faith. It doesn't mean you believe everything. Most of her scientific knowledge went against Biblical teaching.
And the Bible teaches Christ is the way, the truth, and the light. Maybe He was the key to all the truth she was searching for. Maybe He was the truth over every lie she had ever heard. No, He was the truth to everything. And she had denied every piece of that truth.
"I always look to God as though it's a responsibility, or a way to get myself through hard times by believing something stronger than myself exists. The problem is I don't accept every part of that relationship with God. It's as though I only think about it when it's convenient with me." She gasped. The tears were falling hard.
Andrew stepped over to her and wiped away her tears." Now you understand the truth."
Than everything was black once more.
Mulder threw a Bible in the corner and froze. He began to shake with sobs. He slowly lowered himself down into one of the pews. He put his head in his hands and cried. He couldn't take it anymore he couldn't stand it. He hadn't meant to go crazy like he just did. Something in him just snapped. He just couldn't take it anymore. All these years, so many lies, so many broken promises. Things he wished he could erase from his memory.
"Oh God. Why do things like this keep happening to me? What did I do that was so terrible to cause myself and the people I care about suffer?" He pleaded. For some reason he glanced at his watch 11:33. It was going to be a long night.
"You didn't do anything."
Mulder lifted his head." Monica what are you doing here? I really don't want to talk right now ok?"
"I'm afraid you need to hear this Fox," she began. She took a step forward and was engulfed in a heavenly light. She glowed of love.
Mulder jumped up." What the- who are you? What are you?" He went to reach for his gun.
"You don't need that Fox I'm not here to hurt you. I'm here to help. I am from a place filled with love, and truth. A place that you are destined to find one day."
"Are you from another planet?" Mulder inched down. She didn't seem like
she wanted to hurt him.
Monica smiled and stepped closer." No. But you are correct, I'm not from this world." Mulder's eyes widened." I am an angel, sent by God."
Mulder paused. Than he broke out laughing." An angel? Sure right! I'll believe that one! Come-on Monica who and what are you? Some type of magician?"
"Fox, I am an angel whether you chose to believe it or not. And God has sent me here to tell you that He loves you."
Mulder started laughing again." Ok let's just say you're an angel. Why me? Why help me? God loves me? Well do me a favor, tell Him if this is the kinda love He gives His children I'll pass on it. Now please leave me alone." He sat back down.
"Fox, God doesn't want these horrible things to happen. It's not God's will it is mans'. He wishes He could stop us from hurting one another. But that's what free will is."
Mulder bit his lip." From what I heard He's in charge of the universe. You mean He has no say in what happens on this planet. He just let's us keep hurting one another and doesn't care, because of free will? That's not love."
"God loves this world. And He loves you. So much that He gives each one of you the right to chose what you do in life. Even when it hurts Him to watch you hurt yourselves. If you would follow His will things would be easier."
"But sometimes we don't even do anything and bad things happen. You mean He can't stop them?"
"Yes He can. But sometimes He chooses not to."
Mulder glared at her. "Chooses not to'. I don't mind the things that happen to me, but why did this have to happen to Scully again. Are you aware what she's been through?" He paused." The worst part is I'm responsible for all this. Maybe not today but so many other times. I've caused her so much pain. Sometimes I wonder if I should have something marked on my forehead that says " Don't come near or horrible things will happen". I'm a danger to everyone."
"Fox that's not true. Sometimes bad things happen. You can't blame yourself and you can't blame God. We all make our own choices in this life. That's what causes the outcome of things. It's not God it's free will."
"But what about when it's not people's fault? Look at my sister. Eight years old and she was abducted. That wasn't her will, it wasn't mine. We didn't walk into that trouble. Why was that allowed to happen? What about the people that don't ask for trouble and are given it anyway? What about the children that die from school shootings, or bombings. They didn't ask for that. Why are those things allowed to happen? God can prevent anything. It seems to me He allows it a lot of this."
"Sometimes, things have to happen in order for us to learn from them, to understand things. If I were to give you everything you want to know about the truth right now, you wouldn't be able to understand it. Because you have to learn certain things in order to understand." Monica started crying" I wish I knew why these things happen. It isn't fair, but rather than love, humans want to hurt. The evil in this world is great. When people choose evil over righteousness there is only one road for them to take. Destruction. And in turn spread that destruction to everyone else. Even people that have nothing to do with it. I wish I could tell you why these things have happened to you. I wish I could explain it all and put it in a way you could understand. "
Mulder turned his head away trying to prevent the tears from falling again." That still doesn't explain it all to me. It still doesn't tell me why. In fact if my sister had never been taken none of this would have ever happened. I might actually of had a good life."
"You don't know that Fox. Look at the good things that came from it." He stared at her." Just hear me out. If you sister hadn't been taken you wouldn 't have gotten interested in the X-Files. Half of the people you've helped, things you've uncovered never would have been touched if not for you. These horrible things that happened to you will one day be completed for God's glory, not for yours. Have you ever considered maybe you haven't found your sister yet because you aren't supposed to? Because you have to keep uncovering the truth? For God's truth? Some things can't be explained Fox. With everything you've seen and done you should know that. But faith is just that. Trusting in something you can't touch or see. That's what faith is. Can you have that faith?"
"I don't know. I want to know what the truth is with so many things. Why is the truth so hard to find? And why do so many innocent people have to get hurt to find it?" He looked up at her, a tear escaping down his cheek.
"Fox, so many people lie, and twist the truth that they have made more truths from it. There is only one truth. And that is God. He is truth. He is life. But you keep denying His truth. The very truths that you're seeking you deny time and time again. If you trust God He will give you the truth. Maybe not the truth you want but the truth you need to know." Monica sat down next to him and paused." I know you believe to ‘Trust no one'. But I'm asking you to take a chance. Trust in God. Trust in something you can't see, feel, touch, or ever explain. Trust in it, and see what happens.
"God loves you no matter what. Every time you thought you were alone and that no one cared God was right by your side saying ‘If only you'd believe in me and trust me I could help.' God longs to hold you when you're hurt, scared, and weak. He longs to wrap his arms of love around you, comfort you, and say, ‘It'll be ok I know it's hard now but we'll get through and I'll be there every step of the way.' "
"I have so many questions…so many things I want to know." Mulder began trying to regain his voice. Maybe she was an angel, maybe he could finally get some answers.
"Some questions can never be answered or understood. I could tell you many things now. But you wouldn't be able to understand them. To comprehend them. That will come in time." Monica stated smiling.
Mulder swallowed hard." Will Scully live?"
Monica lowered her eyes." I don't know. That's not my job. But I do know that if you believe you'll be ok. In a way, if what happened to Scully hadn' t happened you wouldn't be able to understand everything I just told you. God works in mysterious ways. Just most of the time we can't see the reality behind those ways. Remember Fox. God loves you, always has always will. Don' t deny the truth any more. Believe in it."
Mulder lowered his head crying. He was trying so hard to fight everything she was saying to push it out of his mind saying it was all a lie. But he couldn't something within him couldn't. Because deep down he knew what she was saying was the truth. He felt a peace and a love that he couldn't explain. He felt that he had for once heard the whole truth and nothing but the truth. He wanted to fight it but he knew it was true. There was a God. And in some bizarre way He loved him. Fox Mulder. God loved Fox Mulder. For no reason at all just because he was who he was. He didn't have to account to anything or act a certain way. Just because he was himself. Unconditional love. Maybe he would try and trust God. Maybe for once someone would be trustworthy.
He lifted his head." Monica why was I sent an angel now?" He stated. But to his surprise he was by himself.
Mulder slowly walked into Scully's room. She looked a little bit better. There was more color in her face. He sat down next to her. She would never believe what he had just seen. He could just picture the conversation. He would give anything to have that chance though. To hear her skepticism, to have her disagree and argue with him. He took Scully's hand and held it tightly. Maybe if he held on tight enough she'd make it.
Suddenly Monica's words came rushed back to him like a flood," Trust in God. Trust in something you can't see, feel, touch, or ever explain. Trust in it, and see what happens." Mulder looked up and did something he hadn't done since he was twelve and his sister had been taken. He prayed.
"Dear God," he whispered." I know I haven't talked to you in a long time. But after the events of today I figured I could try it. You know how hard it is for me to trust anyone. Let alone someone I have no clue exists. Anyway, God, please don't let Scully die, we've been in this situation so many times before and you brought her back. Bring her back this time too. She has so much to give so much to teach. And in all truth, I need her. I need her to help me uncover whatever truths I am meant to uncover. Whether I am meant to uncover them for You or for myself I'm not sure. I'm trying to understand everything I heard today. Whether it was real or just something I wanted to hear or have happen. But somehow for some reason I believe Your real. I've doubted you all my life and now for some reason I believe everything I doubted. Maybe Monica was right, maybe faith is just letting go of the doubt and trusting in the impossible. Funny to hear me say that. I'm the guy that believes everything. Well uh, I'm sorry for talking so much. I'm not even sure you're listening to me. I hope you are, and I hope I can do whatever it is you want me to. Umm, Amen I guess." He finished. That was really weird. Who would take that prayer seriously? He hoped God would see what was in his heart and take it seriously though.
He turned back to Scully to see her staring at him with a slight smile." Since when do you pray?" She asked quietly.
He smirked. She was going to be ok, and he had the oddest feeling he was too." I guess I just decided that it couldn't do much harm. If there were a God maybe He'd listen. If there weren't it would go out into space. How long were you listening?"
She stretched her arms." Long enough. It sounded more like believing what you were saying than just trying it for the fun of it."
"I guess after certain events today I just decided to take the chance. Take the chance to trust. I don't know. But anyway why are we talking about me, how are you feeling?" He smiled and took her hand again.
"What events? Aside from what happened to me?" She asked. She was really in the mood to bug him. And besides Andrew and told her everything anyway. In whole truth she had been up since before Mulder had came in the room. So what she wanted was to pry him on praying. She was curious what Monica had said to him.
Mulder eyed her." Ok what's up? I'm trying to find out how you're feeling and you keep prying me on this. What's up Scully?"
She laughed." I'm ok really. If you want the truth I was up before you came in the room. The doctor says I'm fine. Now I'm curious about you, what changed your mind to pray?" She began to sit up.
He sighed." Ok, but promise you won't laugh because this may very well be the silliest story ever."
"Coming from you Mulder I doubt that." She smiled.
He shook his head." Oh yeah, you're fine. Well," He paused." You see after I brought you into the hospital this lady Monica showed up-
Monica, Tess, and Andrew walked towards the exit of the hospital. "Well done Angel-girl! I'm very proud of you and I know God is to." Tess exclaimed hugging Monica.
"I'm just glad I was able to show him the truth. Maybe not the truth that he wanted but the truth that he needed." Monica stated.
"Sometimes that's the hardest thing to accept. You say you want to know the truth and in Mulder and Scully's cases' their running after it. But in reality it was right behind them and they kept running from it." Andrew said.
"Tess, do you think they'll ever find the truth their searching for?" Monica asked.
Tess shrugged," I don't know baby. The most important thing is that they both found the truth they needed. Not just to trust in God, but truth about each other. All they need is that. If God wants them to find the truths their both running after they will. But His light has to be shining in that direction otherwise their running from the truth not to it."
"They are a cute couple. You know I was wondering-" Monica began. "Hold on Miss Wings. Now you're a good angel but you know just as well as I do that that's not our job. If God means for two people to be together He' ll show them and hopefully they'll follow in His direction. It's not up to us." Tess scolded.
Monica paused." I know Tess but I was just wondering-"
Tess put a hand up." No wondering for you. Leave it to God He knows best."
Monica sighed. "I could have warned you about that." Andrew laughed. He looked down." Hey what's this?" He scooped down and picked up what looked like either dust or ashes.
Monica looked." Let me see." She took it and moved it in her hands." it looks like cigarette butts. I wonder what they're doing in a hospital."
"Well either way put it down. We have a new case to go on." Tess started walking ahead.
Andrew shrugged. "Come-on Monica." She stood still. "Monica?"
Monica got a small smirk she cupped her hands and blew air into them. The ashes flew out and was transformed into a beautiful white dove. It flapped its wings and flew out of the hospital, into the mysterious unknown place, called reality.
I can't get past the evidence
I can't get past the proof
I can't get past the evidence
It's impossible to do
You are the reason that I can't
Deny the truth
I can't get past the evidence of You.
AUTHORS NOTES: I MAY WRITE MORE BUT I MIGHT NOT IF I DON'T RECEIVE ANY EMAILS!!!!!!! It's chosen_Amanda@hotmail.com IF IT'S A FLAME PLEASE TRY NOT TO BE TOO MEAN!!!!!! THIS IS MY FIRST X-FILES FIC AND I'VE ONLY SEEN THE X-FILES MOVIE SO BARE THAT IN MIND IF EVERYTHING IS TOTALLY WRONG! THANKS: FOR MY MOM ALWAYS GIVING UP THE TV DURING MY SHOW FADES SO I CAN WATCH IT, AND FOR PUTTING UP WITH ME SURFING AND READING FOR HOURS TO LEARN ABOUT THE SHOWS!!!! AND FOR GOD. WHO GETS ME THROUGH EACH DAY AND INSPIRES ME FOR EVERY STORY AND EVERY LINE IN EVERY STORY.