K-E-V-L, the Villains’ Channel
by Mindy

Author’s Note: You will notice sarcastic remarks of two Quantrons every now and then. They serve as radio broadcasters for the villains not watching. This story will officially begin when you see the words, “On the air,” even though there is a little introduction beforehand. You will see this star pattern that indicates laughter in the villain audience, **, and this star pattern to indicate laughter among all the villains, audience or otherwise, ***. Enjoy!

* * *

The universe is full of opposing teams; one on the side of good, the other on the side of evil. Even though the two teams should be the worst of enemies, there are times when the joined forces create a pretty good team. This was proven during the captivity of the Power Rangers and the Spice Club, as they were performing a “silly idea” Ruth had.

An audience of villains were sitting down, waiting for their weekly presentation. Jenny and Ruth were standing with Darkonda and Ecliptor. They were beginning the slow process of Ruth’s “silly idea”. When Jenny and Ruth told them their part of the plan, Ecliptor refused immediately.

“No,” he insisted. “I will do no such as you suggest.”

“Yes, you will, Ecliptor,” Jenny said. “And if our plan succeeds, you must set all of us free. Agreed?”

Darkonda said, “I don’t know about Ecliptor, but I agree to your suggestions. I’ll be very happy to be the host for tonight.” Ecliptor still refused.

“Ecliptor,” Ruth said. “Do you want to live long enough to serve Astronema for as long as you boast?” Ecliptor nodded. Ruth pulled out a small weapon from a sheath against her ankle.

The weapon she removed was not long enough to be a sword, and it was not short enough to be a dagger. Anyway, she began to slice a nearby metal pole that was stronger than Ecliptor was. She used the weapon not only to cut the pole off, but also to shred it into a million small pieces.

Ecliptor looked nervous. “Well, what are we waiting for,” he said, pretending to be ecstatic. “Where’s my script?” Ruth giggled sarcastically.


[The audience cheered as Darkonda walked onto the stage to greet them.]

(Darkonda): Thank you, and welcome to K-E-V-L, voted the best radio and television station hosted by villains. We know how much you like something different each week, so this week we have something extraordinary for you. Astronema battled and defeated the Power Rangers, forcing the Spice Club into surrender. Magic Spice has convinced us to turn the show over to them, hoping to do such a good job as we villains do, which is a hope that I doubt. But first, our opening number...

(Quantron #1): Oh, no!

(Quantron #2): We can’t take any more of your opening numbers!

(Darkonda): C’mon, Quantrons. What’s wrong with them?

(Quantron #1): They’re so weird!

(Quantron #2): Yeah, what do you have for us tonight? The Pink Power Ranger dancing ballet? ***

(Darkonda): Uh, cancel the opening number.

[Cassie, at that moment, begins to walk away from the curtain. She is wearing a white and pink ballet dress, and scolding Darkonda in her Korean language. **]

(Darkonda): Uh, villains and pirates, our opening number!

[The curtains rise, and several of the heroes are on the stage. Jenny is on one bicycle, Ruth is on another with Hallie’s arms around Ruth’s waist, Carlos on another, and T. J. on another. They are singing, “I Get Around,” with Jenny singing the specific part of the chorus. All of them are wearing a black, leather costume except for Jenny, who is wearing her black costume that makes her look like Astronema.]

(Quantron #2): You know, I really like those black outfits on such hideous heroes.

(Quantron #1): Yeah, me too. Are we in the right broadcasting station? ***

[The stage lights are dimmed, except for a part that looks like a backstage area. Jenny is still in her costume, and she passes by Darkonda.]

(Jenny): Darkonda? You know, you and I should have done that number together. You would be very attractive in the leather-and-fire look.

(Darkonda): Well, I just need the leather; I already got the fire-look.

(Jenny): Yes, I just love your eyes. They’re like two candles floating in a fountain of erupted lava. **

[Jenny leaves, giggling at her flirt.]

(Darkonda): It must be true; everybody keeps saying the same thing. **

[The lights on the “stage” brighten again, showing Cassie playing at a piano, and Earl standing close to her. She is playing “I Got Rhythm,” and he is almost ready to start. But every time he tries to sing with it, he gets the notes and the rhythm wrong.]

(Earl): “I ... got rhy-thm. I got... I got ... rhythm.”

(Cassie): No, no, Earl. You got it wrong. It’s not like that; it’s like this, let me show you. “I got rhythm.”

(Earl): Okay, I got it now. “I...”

(Cassie): No, not yet! ** Now!

(Earl): “I ... got rhythm. ** I ... I got...” **

(Cassie): Earl, wait a minute. Let me make a little change here.

[She picks up the music sheet, writes something on it with a pencil, hands it to Earl, and begins to play again.]

(Earl): Thank you, Cassie. “I DON’T got rhythm. ** I DON’T got rhythm. ** I DON’T got rhythm.”

(Cassie & Earl): “Who could ask for anything more?”

(Quantron #1): We could!

(Quantron #2): Yeah, earplugs! ***

(Cassie & Earl): “Who could ask for anything more?”

[Earl looks and feels humiliated as Cassie does the final notes in her playing. The curtains close, but a light is showing at the right end of the stage. A news broadcaster’s desk is at the light, and Ecliptor appears from backstage and sits at the desk. **]

(Ecliptor): Here is a Villains’ News Flash. In the Earth country of Egypt, evil archaeologists have discovered a tomb more than 6,000 years old. An inscription on the entrance of the tomb warned that the Eagle Goddess “Eagala Faza Terr,” that’s “Eagala Faza Terr,” would wreck a terrible vengeance on anyone who entered the tomb or even pronounced her name aloud. In my opinion, that is the most ridiculous story that I...

[An eagle’s screech interrupted Ecliptor’s story. Feather, playing the part of the Eagle Goddess, swept down from the ceiling and began to “attack” Ecliptor. ** At first, Ecliptor tries to hit the eagle with his sword. ** However, when Feather begins to scratch Ecliptor, he begins to run across the stage and disappears to the backstage at left. ** Jenny and Darkonda are at the backstage.]

(Jenny): It looks like we are off to a lovely start.

[Ecliptor gives a scream. Jenny and Darkonda are startled to hear the scream. They are even more surprised to see Feather’s claws on Ecliptor’s shoulders and carrying him with ease. ** Hallie comes from a dressing room door and is shocked to see Ecliptor and Feather.]

(Ecliptor): Get this bag of feathers off of me!

(Darkonda): Ecliptor is carried off by a bird. Hah, hah, hah, hah!!!!

(Jenny): Ruth, you want to see this!

[Ruth comes out from a dressing room door next to Hallie’s. She is also shocked to see Feather and Ecliptor, but she is happier to see the surprise than Hallie.]

(Ruth): I should have known that Feather would scold at Ecliptor for his evilty and wickedness.

(Hallie): Evilty and wickedness? Nonsense; he is sweet and innocent.

(Ruth): Sweet and innocent, indeed. He killed my parents, he flirts with me, and pretends that he loves me.

(Ecliptor): I do not pretend. I do.

(Ruth): Well, in that case, I’ll leave you to Hallie and I’ll go to Carlos, the Black Ranger. There is more love between those two couples than in between you and I, Ecliptor. Feather, your scolds are on him forever, now put him down.

[Feather drops Ecliptor, and he staggers away.]

(Ruth): Hallie, let’s talk about how wicked and horrible Ecliptor is.

(Hallie): Oh, no! Let’s rather talk about how honorable and lovable he is.

(Ruth): Excuse me, Hallie.

[Ruth walks away to her dressing room, and Hallie into hers.]

(Jenny): C’mon, Darkonda. Let’s get ready for the next number.

* * *

[Jenny appears on the stage, dressed as a female lion tamer.]

(Jenny): At this time, villains and pirates, we shall present our next number. Our own Darkonda has agreed to be with me in this number. He is all ready so, let’s go to the circus!

[The curtains open. Darkonda is on a high platform; Cammy is behind him. He is holding an acrobat’s swing. Jenny begins to sing.]

(Jenny): ‘He flies through the air with the greatest of ease, that daring Darkonda on the flying trapeze.”

(Darkonda): I don’t know how she gets me into these things. **

(Cammy): Are you ready, Darkonda?

(Darkonda): Yeah, just don’t push me hard.

(Cammy): What?

(Darkonda): Push me hard!

(Cammy): Okay.

[She pushes him, and he messes up his swing, without the audience knowing that it was his intention. He bumps into the wall on the right and falls down. Jenny rushes to Darkonda and looks like at him in deep concern.]

(Jenny): Oh, Darkonda! You’re not hurt, are you?

(Darkonda): Yeah, I’m fine. It’s only my ankle, that’s all.

[Elgar comes onto the stage to look at Darkonda as well.]

(Elgar): Close the curtains! Wow, what a terrific act, Darkonda! Do you want a partner? **

(Quantron #2): Poor Darkonda. I hope he’s not hurt.

(Quantron #1): Well, at least he got the girl to stop singing. ***

[Cammy comes from behind the curtains. Little does the audience know that the heroes is changing the stage that is behind the curtains from a circus to a hospital.]

(Cammy): Darkonda! Uh, Jenny, Elgar, get him back stage. Ah, don’t worry, it’s all part of the act. Umm, is there a doctor in the house? **

[The curtains raise, and the stage is showing the hospital set. Jenny, Crypt, and C. C. are standing behind a hospital bed. There is a figure in the bed, but the entire body is covered by a blanket that was there. Cammy casually walks off the stage, and Sal is holding a microphone, standing at the edge of the stage.]

(Sal): Time, once again, for “Spicy Medical Bridge,” a continuing story of a quack that’s gone to the dogs.

(Crypt): Well, Nurse Speedy Spice, who’s the next patient?

(C. C.): See for yourself, Doctor Zombie Spice.

[Crypt removes the top of the blanket, revealing Darkonda’s head. **]

(Jenny): Oh, ho! It’s Darkonda! Oh, oh, oh...

(Darkonda): Take it easy, dear. I’m okay.

(Jenny): Quiet; this is a very dramatic moment. ** Oh, Darkonda, I shall nurse you back to health if it takes a lifetime! Oh, oh, oh...

(C. C.): What do you think is wrong with him, Doctor Zombie Spice?

(Crypt): Well, for one thing, he’s been badly exposed to overacting. ** And secondly, he’s been overexposed to bad acting. **

(Jenny): I am not acting; I love him!

(Crypt): Uh, Nurse Tonfa Spice, you can’t let your personal feelings affect your duty. You are a nurse!

(Jenny): I may be a nurse, but I’m a woman 1st!

(Crypt): Wrong, you’re deceased 1st! Nurse, 2nd. I don’t think woman made then top ten. **

(Jenny): Doctor Zombie Spice...

(Crypt): No, he’s all right. He just looks like he was under heavy sedation.

(C. C.): Well, he was under heavy sedation. A 50-pound box of sleeping pills fell on his head. **

(Darkonda): It did not!

(C. C.): I know, but it’s my only joke. **

(Jenny): Oh, my poor Darkonda. Oh.

(Crypt): Well, he’s still breathing, but I think his pulse is weak.

(Jenny): Darkonda! Darkonda, can you hear me? This is Nurse Tonfa Spice. I will never leave your side until you have taken your last breath. Do you think he heard me?

(Crypt): He must have; his pulse has stopped. **

(Jenny): If anything happens to him, YOU will have ME to come to!

(Crypt): Good, I was wondering who was going to pay his bill. **

(Sal): So we’ve come to the end of another, “Spicy Medical Bridge.” Tune in next time when you hear Darkonda say...

[Darkonda tries to get up, but Crypt restrains him.]

(Darkonda): Uh, let me out of here! I want to get out of here!

(Jenny): No, no, Darkonda! Don’t; no! Stay here, where’s it’s safe.

[At that moment, as if on cue, a large light fixture falls from the ceiling, landing in between the heads of Jenny and Darkonda. **]

(Quantron #2): Did you see that?

(Quantron #1): Yeah. Darkonda has certainly taken a beating since his last battle.

(Quantron #2): It’s hard to feel sorry for him; we take a beating every battle. **

[Cammy comes onto the stage again and stands in front of the closed curtains and the waiting audience.]

(Cammy): Uh, villains and pirates, although our beloved Darkonda has been seriously injured, he...

[Darkonda pokes his head from the curtains.]

(Darkonda): Wait, wait. What’s with seriously injured? I only twisted ankle. **

(Cammy): Go back, Darkonda, go back. Although he has a severely twisted ankle, ** he is going to go on with the show!

[The audience applauds.]

(Cammy): Yes, yes, yes. Here he is, our own Darkonda in ... in ...

(Darkonda): A hospital bed.

(Cammy): A hospital ... bed? **

[The curtains open. Darkonda is sitting up in a hospital bed. Ashley and Cassie, dressed as nurses, were standing beside the bed. The audience barely sees Andros at the edge of the stage, dressed as a doctor. During this number, everyone spoke as if they were singing.]

(Ashley): So he bought a coconut. He bought it for a dime, and if he had another one, he’d use it for a lime.

(Darkonda): True.

(Ashley): He put the lime in the coconut and drank them both up. He put the lime in the coconut and drank them both up.

(Ashley & Cassie): He put the lime in the coconut and drank them both up. He put the lime in the coconut.

(Cassie): He called a doctor, woke him up, and said...

(Darkonda): “Doctor,” and there’s nothing I could think to say but, “Doctor,” to relieve this ankle ache. I said, “Doctor,” and there’s nothing I could think to say but, “Doctor,” to relieve this ankle ache.

[Andros enters and stands on the other side of Darkonda’s bed.]

(Andros): Now, let me get this straight. You put the lime in the coconut and drank them both up. You put the lime in the coconut and drank them both up.

(Ashley & Cassie): He put the lime in the coconut and drank them both up.

(Andros): You put the lime in the coconut. You called your doctor, woke him up and said...

(Darkonda & Andros): “Doctor,” and there’s nothing I could think to say but, “Doctor,” to relieve this ankle ache. I said, “Doctor,” and there’s nothing I could think to say but, “Doctor,” to relieve this ankle ache.

[A simulation is at work to surprise the audience. Darkonda notices gradual changes in Andros, Cassie and Ashley. But they sing as if there were no changes without Darkonda joining them. The room shows quick changes. It looks like that it was painted to look like a jungle. Soon, there is nothing that indicates that they’re in a room at all. Now, Andros and the girls look completely like a witch doctor and his nurses (jungle natives). Jungle animals of all kind surround the bed.]

(Ashley, Cassie, & Andros): You put the lime in the coconut and drink them both together. Put the lime in the coconut and drink them both up. Put the lime in the coconut, then you’ll feel better. Put the lime in the coconut and drink them both down. Put the lime in the coconut, call in the morning. You can call me in the morning, if you call me in the morning. If you can call me in the morning...

[Everything that was involved in the jungle disappears. The room looks ordinary, the girls and the animals are gone, and Andros is alone with Darkonda. Andros looks the way he was before the “effects” began. He speaks ordinarily.]

(Andros): If you call me in the morning, I’ll tell you what to do.

[Andros leaves, and the animals reappear.] **

(Darkonda): It’s a jungle out there! **

(Quantron #1): Have you ever gone to a witch doctor?

(Quantron #2): They’re all witch. Ever heard of a poor doctor? **

[Ecliptor’s desk is seen again. Ecliptor shows up at his desk with another story.]

(Ecliptor): Here is a Villains News Flash. Spice Labs has just announced that they are recalling the hospital bed used in the “Lime and Coconut” production number. The bed was built on assembly lines formerly used for pop- up toasters.

[Suddenly, Darkonda gives a very brief scream, as the bed’s springs were broken. Darkonda flies across the stage and lands on Ecliptor.] **

(Quantron #1): Do they sell insurance with this show? ***

[A brief moment occurred. Then, the curtains opened again. Hallie is standing next to a stove in a kitchen scene. Kathy, at the edge of the stage, is holding a chain. No one sees what the object at the other side of the chain is.]

(Hallie): Greetings, everyone. Welcome to the Kids’ Kitchen, where we make the ordinary Earth foods with extraordinary ingredients. Today, we will show you the way to make a chocolate mousse. First, make plenty of chocolate.

[She pours melted chocolate from a pot on the stove into a large bowl.]

(Hallie): Good, we have the chocolate. And now, the moose. Kathy, bring it here!

[Kathy pulls on the chain, and a simulation of a young moose is brought from behind the curtain.] **

(Hallie): Now, the last step, put the chocolate on the moose. **

* * *

[Only Spinal, Ruth, and Hanim are backstage. Spinal is holding a large bouquet of flowers in his hand.]

(Spinal): Hanim, if you need me, I’ll be in C. C.’s dressing room. Suppose I become so excited that I faint?

(Ruth): Spinal, I just don’t know. Maybe she’ll have to give you mouth-to- mouth resuscitation.

(Spinal): She’ll have to what?!

(Ruth): Or, in your case, mouth-to-bone resuscitation. **

[Spinal screams and falls down.]

(Hanim): Spinal, are you okay?

[He gets up.]

(Spinal): Of course; I was just rehearsing my faint. **

[He leaves for the dressing room.]

(Hanim): I sure hope C. C. has been rehearsing hers. **

* * *

[The audience applauds as Darkonda returns, recovered from the “ankle ache”. He holds a microphone in his hands.]

(Darkonda): And now, “The Gargoyles of Space.”

[The curtains raise, and a spaceship bridge was the scenery. Brooklyn and Demona are on the bridge.]

(Brooklyn): Oh, Demona, if Lexington does NOT fix the power of the control panel, we’ll be marooned in space forever.

(Demona): Oh, no! Well, let’s look at the bright side. At least we’ll be spending the rest of our days together, alone.

(Brooklyn): That’s the bright side? **

[Lexington enters the bridge.]

(Lexington): Well, I fixed the control panel.

(Demona): Oh, that’s wonderful, Lexington!

(Lexington): There was something wrong with the wires.

(Brooklyn): Nice work, Lexington.

(Lexington): Oh, it was nothing. Actually, I just used some wires from the electric toaster.

(Brooklyn): Good thinking, Lexington. I’ll try it.

[He pulls a lever, and Demona drops downward and disappears with a scream.] **

(Lexington): Uh oh.

(Brooklyn): That’s okay, Lexington. Actually, it’s kind of funny.

(Lexington): Yeah. Heh heh heh.

[Brooklyn lifts up the lever, and Demona returns.]

(Brooklyn): See, Lexington? That’s what I’d call, “raising a gargoyle.” **

[The only one not laughing was Demona. She took it as an insult.]

(Lexington): Ah, raising a gargoyle! She has her “ups and downs!” **

(Demona): Oh, so you think that’s funny, huh? Well, it’s your turn, Brooklyn!

[She pulls down a different lever, and Lexington disappears with a scream.] **

(Brooklyn): You thought you had me, didn’t you?

[Demona lifts up the same lever, and Lexington returns. She pulls yet another one, and Lexington is gone again. Brooklyn taps against the first one that was pulled, and Demona notices because it was the one that made her disappear.]

(Brooklyn): Why don’t you try this one right here?

(Demona): I am NOT that stupid.

(Brooklyn): Oh, then I’ll try it.

[He pulls down the lever, and he - himself - disappears with a scream. Now, it’s Demona’s turn to laugh.] **

(Demona): Ah ha! He was that stupid! **

[She pulls up the lever she had pulled down. Brooklyn returns with a frightened look on his face, and begins to complain.]

(Brooklyn): I want my mother! **

(Demona): Do you still think it’s funny, you gargling gargoyle? **

(Brooklyn): No; we have to get Lexington back.

(He pulls up the only lever that is down. Instead of Lexington, however, Marvin comes up and looks around. Brooklyn and Demona are shocked.] **

(Marvin): Hey, I’m not supposed to be here, right?

(Brooklyn): Right!

[With that, he pulled down another lever, and both Demona and Marvin are gone. He lifts up the lever, and in Demona’s place comes Ebony; in Marvin’s place comes Carlos. Brooklyn keeps on pulling levers up and down, but instead of correcting the mistakes, he keeps on making more. When Elgar comes up, he pulls a lever that sends Brooklyn away. More and more levers are being pulled until the curtains falls.] **

(Quantron #1): I don’t believe that.

[He doesn’t realize it, but Quantron #2 had disappeared during the sketch. Quantron #1 realizes what happens when Marvin comes up in the other Quantron’s place.] **

(Marvin): I’m not supposed to be here either, right?

[Before an answer could be given, Earl disappears and is sent to another room. Quantron #2 comes back.] **

* * *

[A few moments before the curtains rise up again, Spinal runs to Jenny. He still has the bouquet of flowers in his hand.]

(Spinal): Jenny, I can’t find C. C. anywhere!

(Jenny): Oh, she’s about to do a comedy skit with Andros.

(Spinal): What?!

(Jenny): Don’t worry; it’s nothing romantic like. Just watch.

[The curtains are raised and C. C. is standing at the center of the stage. Andros is standing about 3 feet away from her.]

(C. C.): Hello, everyone. I’ll do a special act to show my humor. Tonight, I’ll show you Phrenology!

(Andros): Phren-what?

(C. C.): And, for this demonstration, I will need a volunteer!

[She immediately grabbed Andors’s wrist and pulls him toward her, making Andros scream with surprise.] **

(Andros): C. C.! What are you going to do?

(C. C.): Trust me, Andros. Okay, everyone, Phrenology: the art of reading a person’s fortune by feeling the bumps on his head.

[At that moment, she placed her hand against the top of his head, startling Andros. ** She begins to rub her hand at the top of his head, even though it looks more like she is moving his head all together.]

(C. C.): Well, I can tell you are a very flexible person. **

(Andros): C. C.!

(C. C.): Okay, here we go!

[While she is speaking, she accidentally puts her hand against his neck, making his head look straight up.]

(C. C.): I can see in your future. Tomorrow, yes, tomorrow, you will have a stiff neck! **

[Seeing her mistake, she corrects it.]

(Andros): And maybe I’ll love someone else tomorrow, too.

(C. C.): Trust me, Andros! Okay, bumps. You’ve got some nice bumps, friend! Bumps, bumps. Except, your bumps were intelligently very small. **

(Andros): What?!

(C. C.): It’s okay; I can fix that.

[While Andros is not looking, C. C. picks up a small hammer.]

(C. C.): Here we go!

[While Andros is still not looking, she begins to hit him on the head with the hammer. ** Andros screams after the first hit, then begins to scream at her. ** Then, the curtains close.]

(Spinal): You two were so hilarious!

(Andros): Yeah; were we supposed to be? **

[Without warning, Scrudly - Astronema’s pet - comes up to Spinal. Recognizing it by voice, Scrudly begins to growl at him. Spinal, in reaction, climbs up a tall box where Scrudly can’t reach him. **]

(Spinal): Astronema!!

(Astroenema): Yes?

(Spinal): Will you come and take that thing away from me?

(Astronema): Oh, isn’t he adorable?

(Spinal): It is not adorable; that thing was after me.

[Astronema kneels down to make eye-contact with Scrudly.]

(Astronema): Is my funny little Scrudly on Daddy’s temper? **

(Spinal): I am NOT that thing’s Daddy! **

(Astronema): That’s right. But when you say, “yes,” to being my Emperor of Evil, you will be his Daddy.

(Spinal): I don’t want to be the Emperor of Evil. I don’t want to be that thing’s Daddy. Now, take that thing away from me!

[Scrudly begins to playfully grunt at Spinal.]

(Astronema): Spinal, Scrudly wants to say hello to Daddy.

(Spinal): And he wants to rip off my femur! **

(Astronema): Why don’t you two be friends? Say, “Odi-boo-boo-boo.” **

(Spinal): Odi-what?

(Astronema): Odi-boo-boo-boo.

(Spinal): Say, “Odi-boo-boo-boo?”

(Astronema): Odi-boo-boo-boo. **

(Spinal): Odi-boo-boo-boo; now get that thing away from me! Get it away!

(Astronema): C’mon, Scrudly. Let’s leave bad-tempered skeleton Daddy alone, now. ** Odi-boo-boo-boo! **

(Jenny): This is ridiculous. I have to get ready for the next act.

(Quantron #1): Do you think this show presents cruelty to animals?

(Quantron #2): Not unless they’re watching it. ***

[Jenny is seen on the stage, standing in front of a white curtain. The curtain is too thick to show anything behind it.]

(Jenny): And now, students of the occult, I shall demonstrate my amazing and recently discovered powers of hypnosis. I shall place a member of the audience in a trance.

[As she continues speaking, the white curtain is lifted, showing a large, gray object marked with the number 2500 off of the ground and suspended in the air by a strong length of rope.]

(Jenny): Aided only by the amazing power of hypnotic suggestion, my subject will support with only one hand this 25-hundred pound weight. Who will be the first lucky volunteer?

[Everyone notices that no one is volunteering.] **

(Jenny): Well, it’s just a question of mind over matter.

(Quantron #2): That’s right; we don’t mind, and you don’t matter. ***

(Jenny): You two over-grown tin cans will live to regret this!

(Quantron #1): We intend to. ***

(Jenny): I just don’t understand you villains. Immortality is up for your grasp, but you don’t deserve it.

(Quantron #1): No, but you do!

(Jenny): What a terrific idea! I’ll hyponotize myself. I’ll go down in history.

[She removes a watch, attached to a chain, from her pocket. She spins the watch while it is in one position. She uses a techinique that Ruth taught her.]

(Jenny): See the watch, only the watch. Hear my voice, ** only my voice. My mind is blank; my power is strong. When I count three, I will have the strength of an army. 1 ... 2 ... 3!

[For a brief moment, Jenny stands still. Then she walks underneath the weight, placing the watch back in her pocket. She places her left, weaker, hand up to support the weight.]

(Jenny): Release the ropes!

[The rope is untied and falls to the ground. Her hand is successfully holding up the weight. The audience claps, vaguely.]

(Quantron #2): That’s very impressive, but how do you get out of it?

(Jenny): It’s simple. I just snap my fingers...

[She snaps her fingers, and the weight immediately falls on top of her. *** Darkonda and Ruth rush to her and removes the weight from her. Darkonda picks her up.]

(Darkonda): Are you okay?

(Jenny): Darkonda, Ruth, it went terrific.

[They all leave the stage, with Darkonda carrying Jenny.]

(Quantron #2): She says it went terrific, but I know how she really feels.

(Quantron #1): How’s that?

(Quantron #2): About so high. ***

(Darkonda): I inform you that Tonfa Spice did survive that last act. But now, it’s time for our closing number. Magic Spice expresses her opinion about animals with these talented folk singers. Well, actually, they’re not that talented; ** and, come to think of it, they’re not even folks. ** But, anyway, here they are, villains and pirates! **

[The curtains open. Ruth is seen walking around what seems like a forest. Simulations presents the image of animals, and the villains know that. Gophers come around her as she talks about them in a singing tone.]

(Ruth): Well, I was walking around when I saw the gophers meeting to see whose smarter. Some say man, but I say, “No, ‘cause gophers never destroy as they go.”

(Ruth & Gophers): Gophers, it’s the people that say, “Man’s the one that you have to obey.” But I say, “It’s the gophers today, smarter than a man in every way. That’s right, the gophers are smarter. That’s right, the gophers are smarter. That’s right, the gophers are smarter, smarter than a man in every way.”

(Ruth): I saw a critter complaining. I said, “Dear raccoon, come and tell me why.”

(Raccoon): ‘Cause the sky is supposed to be clean and blue. Raccoons sit down and we cry, “Boo!”

(Ruth & Raccoons): Raccoons, it’s the people that say, “Man’s the one that you have to obey.” But I say, “It’s raccoons today, smarter than a man in every way. That’s right, raccoons are smarter. That’s right, raccoons are smarter. That’s right, raccoons are smarter, smarter than a man in every way.”

(Ruth): Hey, hey. It’s the people that say, “Man’s the one that they have to obey.” But I say, “It’s the critters today, smarter than a man in every way.”

(Rats): That’s right, the rats are smarter.

(Fox): That’s right, the foxes are smarter.

(Weasels): That’s right, the weasels are smarter...

(Ruth): Smarter than a man in every way.

(Dear & Bear): The deer and the bears are smarter.

(Rabbit & Skunk): Rabbits and skunks are smarter.

(Beaver and Snake): Beavers and the snakes are smarter.

(Entire Group): Smarter than a man in every way!

[The animals bring a small box with a lever and cords attached to Ruth. Ruth pushes down the lever, and a “factory” in the distance blows up. The animals cheer, but Ruth just smiled. The number is over.]

(Quantron #1): How can they say that they are smarter than Magic Spice’s own friends?

(Quantron #2): Do the animals take broadcasting jobs to hear us sing with those silly heroes?

(Quantron #1): “But I say, ‘It’s the critters today, smarter than a man in every way.’”

[Ruth calls down to Jenny from her dressing room door.]

(Ruth): Jenny, do you know where Spinal is?

(Jenny): Spinal? Spinal?

[Spinal emerges from the floor, yawning.]

(Spinal): You called?

(Ruth): Spinal, what were you doing down there?

(Spinal): I was having, “4 winks.” **

(Jenny): Don’t you mean, “40 winks?”

(Spinal): I don’t know; I was asleep. ** Hey, Ruth, Carlos told me that you can interpret dreams. Is that true?

(Ruth): Yeah, why?

(Spinal): I had one, and I don’t completely understand it. What does it mean when you dream that people are walking on your head?

[Ruth looks confused and surprised by his dream. She answers in an aggravated tone.]

(Ruth): It means you were sleeping on the floor again. ** Spinal, we are almost done and we have to get ready for, “The End.” You don’t want to miss that, do you?

(Spinal): No, I don’t want to miss that!

[Darkonda walks onto the stage.]

(Darkonda): Well, we laughed our troubles away, maybe. ** This was a special presentation and you shall see it no more.

(Quantron #2): You know, just when you think that the show is terrible, something wonderful happens.

(Quantron #1): What?

(Quantron #2): It ends! ***


The entire Spice Club, along with the Rangers, Ebony, and Feather were on Earth’s surface, being released from the Dark Fortress by Darkonda. Ruth smiled, knowing that her “silly idea” worked.

Darkonda also smiled and said, “Magic Spice, I had doubted that your plan would work. But you made them laugh more than I thought that they could laugh.”

“Well,” she responded, “it was a long shot, but we got lucky. And since we made the villains laugh so much, you must keep your part of the bargain and release us.”

“I intended to do so, Magic Spice, and I am.” With that, he vanished.

Andros looked at Ruth and said, “Well, I admit it was kind of fun doing that kind of thing. I wonder if we ever will do it again.”

“I doubt it, Andros, and I hope that we never will. In the villains’ point of view, we were acting like idiots. But all that time, we were just acting.”

“Let’s go,” Jenny said. And they teleported to their ship to get some real rest.

The End... for now